Tuesday, May 31, 2016

The Ghostbusters Remake Looks Shitty

Ghostbusters looks godawful, and as a result the trailer is the most disliked in Youtube history. But apparently everyone trashing the movie are just misogynistic, unable to tolerate powerful woman taking over the role as the new titular characters of Ghostbusters. Just read the response from Melissa McFatty, one of the actresses:
 
"‘You’re ruining my childhood!’ I mean, really? Four women doing any movie on earth will destroy your childhood? I have a visual of those people not having a [husband], not having friends, so they’re just sitting there and spewing hate into this fake world of the internet. I just hope they find a friend.” 

Most people aren't trashing the movie because it is starring four women, you chunky, overrated blimp. Having said that, doing an "All-female (insert movie here)" is gimmicky and completely unimaginative. Same thing as any other remake that tries to change the targeted demographic by re-imagining the gender, sexual preference, or race of it's main characters. It completely reeks of hack film making. Why not make an original film with original characters? Why did this have to be Ghostbusters, is that limp wristed director too uninspired to create something new?

People are pissed because it's gimmicky. But even if this wasn't carrying the Ghostbusters name and the same jokes were attempted in a different context I'd still think it looked like a festering piece of shit.

The jokes in the trailer don't land.And the actresses they went with are just annoying to watch. Leslie Jones in particular is very grating with her loud, obnoxious bullshit. If I was black I'd think Leslie Jones was just as idiotic as Tyler Perry and feel embarrassed for her, much like Canadians feel embarrassed for Celine Dion and the world at large is embarrassed for Kanye.

Simply put, people are dissing the trailer because it looks like shit, and on top of that the lore of this movie ignores the originals. If they made it a sequel it would have worked slightly better. But then instead of inventing the ghostbusting technology, the original Ghostbusters would be handing down the reins, and we can't have powerful, no bullshit women getting a hand me down from a couple cis gendered heterosexuals, now can we?!

Here's how I think an all female Ghostbusters would have worked. Scrap the story, scrap the cast, and pop a "3: The New Generation" or some shit on the title. Change the premise to this: The events of the first two films have been stricken from the public record, and is now just a rumor spoken around the city. Most people don't even believe the events happened. A group of paranormal researchers and enthusiasts, however, unearth the truth somehow, and excitedly decide to start a Ghostbusters squad of their own, maybe even calling it something different out of respect for the originals. They invent their own technology that is far more effective, due to the technological advances in the past three decades. Maybe the 4th member of the team finds them, and just happens to be the daughter of the late Egon. (She could reveal this later on as well, after forging relationships with the other characters.)

Shit goes down, blah blah blah, they start making a name for themselves, then the government shuts them down. This is when Egon's daughter reveals her origins. They decide to meet up with the original Ghostbusters, and the old generation and new generation work together to take out the possessed government officials trying to keep everything under wraps. They find the conspiracy goes much deeper than originally thought.

I thought of that shit in 5 minutes. It's a mediocre synopsis, and sadly sounds much more entertaining than just remaking the original with females instead of males.
 
Now before I get attacked for being misogynist, let me name some of the actresses that would have piqued my interest in seeing the remake. This is because the actresses I have in mind possess comedic chops far beyond being a black stereotype (Leslie Jones), a confident fat woman (Melissa McCarthy), a quirky eccentric (Kristen Wiig).
 
Kaitlin Olson
 Kristen Schaal
 Anna Faris
 Emma Stone
 Isla Fisher
Rose McGowan

 Aisha Tyler
Sarah Silverman
Charlize Theron
Cameron Diaz
Judy Greer


Could list a more if I thought about it. Case in point, people need to stop assuming everyone hating on those godawful trailers are misogynistic haters and realize they're basing their opinions on the terrible jokes, their even more terrible delivery, and the complete retcon of the original movies this pale imitation is hawking off. Very recently we've got Jurassic World, Terminator Genisys, and Mad Max: Fury Road. We even got a new Dumb and Dumber. Should have just made this a sequel that respected the established lore and got more nuanced actresses that don't go for the zany, whacky hijinks slapstick angle, which is completely unlike the original with the exception of Slimer.

PS: One of the worst jokes I've ever seen has to be the "
OK, I don’t know if it was a race thing, or a lady thing, but I’m mad as hell!" It's more a weight thing, you giant turd. No one wants to dislocate their shoulder catching your fat, sassy, loud-mouthed, gelatinous ass. I bet half the people in there would prefer to get eaten by the giant Scooby Doo looking dragon ghost then listen to one more second of your obnoxious ass. The possession bit in the first trailer was just as bad, with Melissa McCarthy's smug, possessed face and the fat black bitch screaming hackneyed Exorcist quotes.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

"Empowering" is the Word Whores Use to Write Off Their Questionable Behavior

Empowering is a term that, today, is abused as regularly as the battered women who use it. I've been called logical and blunt by some, sexist and misogynistic by others. Bearing that mind, take a ticket, get in line, and feel free to agree (or disagree) with me at your own accord in the comments, because I don't give a fuck. I'm not hating on actual rights issues actual feminists take up (like stopping all the rape going down in European countries, sex slave trade, archaic religious doctrines that treat women as second class citizens, female circumcision) so don't get it twisted. I'm hating on the other feminists, the bandwagon jumpers...the third wave feminists, the ones who use feminist ideology and twist it to engage in whatever immature, selfish behavior they have without any consequences. 
  
I'm talking about your free bleeders, your Tumblr activists, your typical "#ShoutYourStatus because I'm proud to have syphilis" whores who literally use the word "empowered" to excuse their moralless, slutty behavior. Spreading your legs is not empowering, it's spreading your legs. If you were paralyzed and slowly regained the ability to walk again, then yea, spreading your legs would be empowering. Otherwise, there's nothing "empowering" about sex for either gender.
 



(And yes, I most definitely said EITHER GENDER. As in, male or female. I assume people who make up a new word to describe their gender don't fuck. If you're some gender-fluid asshole you'll likely only get to finger fucking before being 'triggered' and feeling the need to pull the respective limbs appendages from their respective holes and orifices so you can jump on the internet and immediately blog about your traumatizing experience.) 
   
Back to the point at hand - the misappropriation of the word empowering. I enjoy sex too, but I don't think I deserve a medal after a drunken 3 and a half hour tumble in the sheets. (A sandwich would be nice, sure. But then, usually I'm the one who cooks after sex because #YesAllBasicCookingSkills. I like cooking for a lady after I use her head to make dents in my wall and she uses my back to dull her fingernails.)

Basically all I'm saying is
, the people who wave a freak flag of promiscuity like it's some sort of accomplishment other than serving selfish desires are delusional.
 
When a woman gets cock, that isn't empowering - it's as easy as snapping her fingers and pulling her panties down. When a man gets pussy, that isn't empowering either - it takes a lot more effort for the man to get laid, sure, but it still isn't empowering. It just shows he has good social skills. (Or a fat wallet. (Or some sort of fame and notoriety.))
   
I'm not shaming the act of sex. I'm shaming the people who act like it's some sort of bold statement against authority, I'm shaming the sisters who think they're making a difference in the world every time they give a new dude off Tinder syphilis, or the Chads, Chets, and Brents who have no hobby outside of crushing pussy. Stop glorifying yourselve as gods and goddesses, stop putting yourselves on unwarranted pedestals. Unless you're intentionally procreating, sex can never be 'empowering,' and the more 'empowering' you think it is, the bigger the chance is you are just a selfish whore or prick that's too slutty to commit to one person.
  
Again, have all the sex you want, I am not gonna judge you as long as you aren't manipulating people or spreading STDs. Unfortunately, a lot of dating these days is just a series of long-cons and manipulative tactics. DENNIS System was far more accurate than we could have ever dreamed, so expecting people not to be manipulative is a stretch for females and males alike. It's rough out there. But don't act like you're some sort of martyr for a cause because you're fulfilling a biological urge. I don't find it 'empowering' when I cook myself a bagel and spread some cream cheese on it. I'm serving the biological urge of eating. But this rant didn't come out of nowhere. I didn't get turned down on a date or something, I read a news article that had me scratching my head. Picture this scenario.
  
A man cheats on his wife with her younger sister. The marriage ends in divorce, and the courts award the husband half of the wife's stuff. She is then required to pay alimony until both of their children graduate high school. She is devastated mentally and financially, but continues working 40+ hour weeks despite her sorrow and takes it on the nose.
Meanwhile, the ex husband decides to throw a "Divorce" party. He gets a cake with a decapitated bride on top of it. His buddies all come over, everyone gets completely smashed and does a bunch of cocaine, Donnie has some qualudes saved from the 70's, and Jim brings over a bunch of escorts to dole out handies and blowjobs to the guys. The ex-husband takes a liking to one of the escorts, so he hires her to stay around for 3 months as his personal sex toy, wearing nothing but a sexy maids outfit and torn lingerie.
  
People would be outraged. He would be publicly mocked for his behavior, even if he tried to keep it a secret. But that was actually a real story, only I reversed the genders.
 
  
Now here's the big difference between men and women. That scenario I described above may very well happen. Usually it'd be a bit less excessive - guy and friends go to strip club, get lap dances, MAYBE cop a handjob or blowie in the VIP lounge. If he has enough cocaine, sure, why not bring a stripper home to fool around with? Maybe she'll even stick around as a fuck bud for a while. But the difference is, the guy won't get a news story calling his actions "empowering." Because they weren't. They were self-serving ways of mourning the end of his marriage.
 
When Nicole Blewett keeps herself a sex butler for 3 months, she gets a story in the Daily Mail. Her friends are probably all like "You go girl!" and "Girl power!" as if she's doing something admirable. In contrast, after the guy shakes off his hangover the next day, he'll go to work and talk shit with his work buddies, but it's self-deprecating. And it's the only validation he'd need - his telling his close friends and work buddies. It's "Heh heh, I'm still fucking that stripper from the party," vs. "I had sex and I deserve a news article!"
 
You're not empowered, you're a slut due to the fact that you let a news publication run that story so you could soak in the adoration and attention of other sluts that lack the self-awareness to realize your TWO CHILDREN probably shouldn't be seeing viral articles about "mommy's 3 month sex butler."

You're only a classless broad when you romanticize the classless acts. If you still feel a bit of guilt after said classless acts, you aren't a slut. Simple enough equation, right?

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Tour is Over. Lay Down and Rot.

A young boy wearing shorts is fidgeting in line at the Dollar Store, his inattentive mom taking a Snapchat and ignoring him as she waits to purchase $1 makeup products. He tries to get her attention, but she is preoccupied - she desperately needs to upload this latest selfie for validation from strangers, ironically to compensate for the lack of attention her parents gave her. And now....she does the same to her son. Who just needs to shit. But alas, it is too late, as the toddler squeezes out a turd right out of his shorts, the fecal torpedo falling upon the dirty Dollar Store with a sickening plop....and no one even notices.
 
Everyone is so apathetic, they see this toddler straight up get schwifty and take a shit on the floor.....and they don't even bat an eyelash. Not a single brow is furrowed, never mind any attempt made to correct the behavior of the unruly child or his inattentive mother. Consumerist zombies, casualties of a decaying culture literally drenched in societal mediocrity much like a whore is drenched in buckets of cum during the money shot of an interracial cuckold gangbang fetish video.

Where do inattentive parents lead us, America? They lead us to furries. And it's not even just furries. This young generation is truly fucked. If it isn't furries it's bronies, or Sonic the Hedgehog fanatics, or Homestuck faggots, or Minecraft autists, or Adventure Time nut huggers. So many different autistic pursuits for young adults to throw their lives away over, in lieu of developing social skills or harvesting skills in applicable hobbies such as learning an instrument, or becoming a 5 star chef, or literally anything other than niche fandoms that rob a person of their very individuality. You know it's bad when these strange niche's become sexualized. People putting pocket pussies in My Little Pony dolls, wearing fur suits with sex zippers...the decadence of culture is much uglier than one could have ever fathomed.

If the autism doesn't get 'em, then it's the social justice crusade. A bunch of genderqueer, genderfluid, social justice warrior princess, civil rights, crybaby generation phaggots skipping around, finding offense in the most mundane of things. Literally vying as hard as they can to leech a personality off of whatever trendy cause crops up on their Tumblr feed that month. Mothafukas literally identifying as a different race or species because they are too uncomfortable in their own skin to form their own personality so they wear a hollow mask to hide their shallow husk of a soul, every single ounce of original thought beaten out of them by the cuckold mainstream media damning them for their own natural animal instincts.
 
Tour is over. Last call, America. LDAR.