Friday, August 19, 2016

No Man's Sky Synthwave Playlist (FREE DOWNLOAD)

Who has been playing No Man's Sky, show of hands? Ok, now who has been playing No Man's Sky has enjoyed the gameplay, but is getting tired of gunning down innocent space creatures to the same songs again and again? Let me get a head count...all right. I got the solution. You can now commit genocide across the galaxy with a FREE synthwave playlist. Looking to throw an 80's aesthetic over your planetary exploration? Check out Atlas Pass - No Man's Sky Synthwave Playlist. It's completely free. (But throw me some pot money if you can.)

And here's the obligatory Youtube video:

Gunning down dinosaurs hasn't been this fun since they were dragons, the game was called Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon and the soundtrack was built in-game. So go download the game for free, blast it all over social media and make this shit go viral. I got a franchise to build, for fucks sake. Get on it, people!

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Guitar Shred Videos | Jon of the Shred

I got a job recently working security on very slow shifts. You basically get paid hourly to stay awake. Since starting there roughly a month to two months ago, there have been several people fired for falling asleep on the job. So what better way to stay awake than bring my LTD Deluxe electric guitar and Roland Micro Cube amp to work?

Now instead of dozing off as I wait for the first truck in an hour and a half to show up, I stay busy and productive by shredding generic, funky penatonic blues licks over backing tracks I find on Youtube. I can only surmise the other security guards who fell asleep on the job weren't musicians - or they played Ukulele or some shit. Hard to keep yourself up with an instrument you could cave in just by resting your balls on it.

So I present to you readers the first two videos in the Security Shred Sessions videos.

Security Shred Session #1

Security Shred Session #2

I also had another series I was going to work on called "Stoned Shred Sessions," but I only ended up recording a single video and got too high to hit record for the rest of the jams that day. I'll get back around to it some day.

Stoned Shred Session #1

If you find yourself digging the shredding in these videos, you might want to check out my four albums. They're available on Bandcamp, iTunes, Spotify, Amazon, Pandora, and a shit ton of other useless digital distributors. The jams above are funky, and more along the lines of my band Neighborhood Formula (currently on hiatus). But the jams on my albums are much more cinematic, a strange blend of heavy metal, progressive rock, synthwave, and film-scores. I've embedded some of my albums below, give them a listen ya jabronis.

That's four face melting heavy metal synthwave albums to get you started. If you check out the rest of the Scythe discography you'll find a ton more tracks as well. It is my hope that my music helps at least one person succeed in outrunning a police officer. Another good reason to buy is for post-apocalyptic inspiration. There's a good chance our next president might spark a third world war, considering it's gonna boil down to a loud mouthed cartoon character with a dead raccoon wig and a lady that's such a sociopath she has to go more over-the-top with her facial expressions than hipster improv comedy douche bags participating in a flash mob.

Yep, synthwave metal sure will be useful in the post-apocalypse.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Troll Hunting 19: Joshua Dorie Is A Limp Wristed Little Bitch

Why I post in the Facebook "Cringespotting" group, I do not know. It seems like everyone in there is constantly walking on egg shells, trying not to be deemed "Cringe worthy" themselves. They'll post something, then quickly edit their post saying "The cringe part is the comments!" so as to not be insulted by the group, the majority of which appear to be smug teenagers who have trouble growing a mustache and/or a pair of tits. (A lot of them are unique, gender fluid individuals, ok?) Smug teenagers like Joshua Dorie.

Someone put up a video of a racist white cop getting extremely hostile with a black delivery driver (who was on the job when he was pulled over.) So earlier today...roughly 12 hours ago, as I was on the verge of passing out from a several week long period of insomnia....I shared two stories where I had to deal with hostile police.

So some kid responds on his moral high horse, despite the fact it doesn't even look like he's tasted beer in his life, never mind have a drink legally. (He probably couldn't handle more than half a Budweiser anyway.)

Seriously? A kid that shares Spongebob memes and looks like THIS..... gonna attempt and troll me? Look at that mustache. Any good roaster could literally focus on that mustache for the entire argument and still win. And why does he have such a smug, cock sucky looking face in every picture he takes? Oh wait....

He used to be a personal consultant at VICE for Gavin. (Whoever Gavin is. But he works at VICE, so that's enough right there.) I'm under the assumption "Personal Consultant" really means "Personal Bitch." Wonder how many handjobs Joshua gave out to the hipsters on the VICE staff. I bet they even wrote an article about it. Oh shit, they even wrote an article about him! The Exploited Laborers of the Liberal Media. Looks like the smugness of the VICE staff rubbed off on him while he rubbed them off.
His new job seems far more prestigious. It takes years of courage, strength, and determination to make it up to the rank of 2nd Lieutenant at Lou's Wood Fire Pizza, I'm sure. At least 1/8th of the country would be beheaded by ISIS by now if it wasn't for the fine soldiers of Lou's Wood Fire Pizza army.


Now to be fair, I shouldn't have been driving drunk.......7 years ago. Way back in 2009. (
Back when this kid was getting touched by his uncle for the first time.) And I probably should have elaborated on that within my story. Ya know, the fact that I was NOT arrested, and that I actually passed the field sobriety tests and was allowed to leave (after they harassed us, mostly at gunpoint, for the better part of 2 hours after I passed said tests.) I just did not elaborate on the story all that much, it was a throwaway comment I made when I was half asleep. But even if I was SHITFACED at the time, that would still be a lesser offence, in my eyes, than the amount of passive aggressive smugness this little faggot likely exudes on a daily basis. 

How many generic comebacks can this kid use?

"I'm probably giving you more attention than your family and friends do."

"Degenerate seems to be a fitting word for you."

"You can still save face by standing up from your couch."

"By then I think you should have a job."

"Oh wait, not a job, a career."

What kind of smug shit is all that? Dude used to suck cocks at the VICE headquarters and now he works at a pizza place, and he's bringing up jobs and careers. He's bringing up drinking morality when he isn't even old enough to sit at the bar. He's calling others degenerates when he goes out in public with a mustache that creepy. A 2nd LT at a pizza place? What does that even mean? Is that supposed to be a respectable career? Doesn't he know I'm a prolific writer?! And sell a digital album or two every few months?! 

I'm sure this kid is gonna keep responding. But in the mean time...

The last argument I got into online was when someone told me that having dreadlocks as a white is cultural appropriation and offensive. Thus, me having the hair style I do was somehow racist, according to this person. I defended myself and sure, I got pretty abrasive with it. I didn't pull any punches. I called the fat fuck who called me a racist a fat fuck, because they were a fat fuck. It later escalated and I called them a faggot. This got me banned.

I don't mean faggot as an anti-gay slur, it's just a good word to describe a certain kind of behavior. Passive aggressive, smarmy, condescending behavior comes across as faggy to me. If I say "Cunt" it's not a "I hate all women" thing. Men can be cunts and women can be faggots. Just like white people can be niggers and black people can be Jews. Follow me? Anyway, Josh was being a faggot the entire time we argued above, I would argue. But notice I didn't call Joshua a faggot? If I had, I'd be 100% banned from Facebook right now. Fact is, I still might get banned for that argument.

In all honesty, he was a great troll. The best trolls just cherry pick extremely generic insults that can be used in any argument ever, and then use them at vaguely appropriate points. Kind of like Family Guy cutaway jokes - there's no context, they can be shoehorned in anywhere in the argument. It incites a rage within the other person, who is likely making custom, tailor made jokes for their opponent. So usually it breaks down into one person throwing rapid fire zingers at the other persons expense, usually honing in on a few extremely evident flaws in that person (inability to grow any style of facial hair aside from a creepy mustache, simultaneously looking like a child rapist and a child that might be raped, weak jawline, overall doughy features) and remixing that joke a few times, while the other uses the generic insults. So basically repetitive personal attacks vs basic internet lines. 

Since chances are he's gonna report me at some point, I've decided to concede with the NAMBLA punchline, and conclude the argument. I then reported Joshua, blocked him and effectively struck first, hopefully ensuring that I don't get banned from Facebook for another 30 days (or more).

So in the end, I did seek out the shelter of a Safe Space...a Safe Space on Facebook where I wouldn't get banned for troll hunting. I cant afford to lose any more pot sales because I can't respond on Facebook messenger.