Sunday, September 20, 2015

People Who Brag About Their Beards Are Douchebags

I see this new trend on Facebook - people bragging about beards. Beard pride. Beard memes. Shirts that have some stupid quote about beards, followed by the enthusiastic "I need this shirt!" and three or more enthusiastic faggots chiming in "Totally, brah. Let's go wear matching beard shirts at the bar, play beer pong and make passes at slutty college girls while we look for Trapt on the Jukebox."

Maybe what you all need is some ambition, purpose, and a personality that isn't siphoned off internet trends.

Seriously, why the fuck would you brag about growing a beard? A friend of mine, his dad has a beard that would make the members of ZZ Top blush, but I guarantee if he was exposed to this current trend of "beard pride" he would shave his decades old beard off immediately to disassociate from the gaggle of beard pride faggots.

How little do you have going on in your life that you post daily shit about your beard?

Seriously, is that all you have to offer up? And why is it that every douche bag I see posting beard pride memes is posting depressing, woe is me, attention seeking status a week later? Your beard pride posts are clearly intended to give off a fun-loving, cheeky personality...but you just look like a hive-mind of idiots bragging about not taking a razor to your jawline like it's some massive accomplishment, and the next week after a barrage of memes your true, hollowed out core becomes visible.

I thought having a beard was supposed to be the peak of masculinity, according to your memes? Why then do you post shit that's the equivalent of a high school girl on her period two days after an abortion and one week after a breakup?

How about getting a hobby, finding passion in something, honing a talent...ANYTHING besides regurgitating corny memes about facial hair. I mean, look at this shit....

 The "Keep Calm" bullshit was pile driven into the ground like a sorority girl on prom night long, long ago. Combining it with this hipster beard bullshit is just too much.

How clever, it dramatically increases your wood-chopping capabilities! And sharing this meme in earnest increases your unoriginal piece of shit capabilities, too!

Don't apologize, if you are that proud of the hair that sprouts on your face my rhetoric will likely go right over your (bearded) head. 

'm sure you do, buddy. The fact you are so proud of your facial hair clearly indicates you have so little going on in your life, that you must then take selfies and share them on social media to get the validation you desperately crave to fill the giant hole in your life where original thought, talent and ambition is supposed to go.
I like having a beard, sure. And I definitely hate when I try to even it out and have to chop it back down to basics and let it regrow. But I don't LOVE having a beard. I don't feel like it defines my personality like most of these drones throwing bumper stickers on their trucks and buying "bearded for her pleasure" t-shirts.

People really ought to stop compensating for being uninteresting with this bullshit, it's kind of pathetic. It's the equivalent of middle aged women sharing minions memes.

1 comment:

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