Saturday, October 26, 2013

The Russell Brand 'Revolution'

So Russell Brand has been making some ripples. It seems people are either elevating him to legend status or are completely disgusted by the attention his recent interview has been given after going viral. And if you ask me, I think both sides of this argument are wrong.

I wouldn't go as far as suggesting he 'started a revolution' during his recent interview with Jeremy Paxman. And some have been claiming this, despite the fact rhetoric of this particular variety has been prevelent in culture for decades, likely centuries. But I also wouldn't suggest he is an evil socialist puppet either, like the other side of the coin has been. I thoroughly enjoyed and respected what Russell eloquently stated during the interview. This would probably be the tidbit that is pissing off the activists:
 
“A socialist egalitarian system based on the massive redistribution of wealth, heavy taxation of corporations and massive responsibility for energy companies and any companies exploiting the environment. I think the very concept of profit should be hugely reduced.”
 
Some of my fellow conspiracy nuts and activist freaks got an extreme case of butthurt, offended most by the use of the word 'socialist.' Certain words seem to trigger such disgust in the community, to the point of sending some of them into tirades and the very black-and-white thinking that is ironically highly reminiscent of political parties. Take the word globalization, for example.
  
A lot of the members of the activist / conspiracy communities immediately assume that any future case of globalization would lead us to an oppressive, New World Order controlled dystopia. Why would globalization always have to wind up as a negative, though? Is the hope of a world united together in peace working to move forward as a species that far fetched?

Globalization would make complete sense if all the worlds nations worked together cohesively as a planet, unified in its goals of the betterment of the species, the advancement of technologies, the abolishing of prejudice and oppression, the equality of all people from all walks of life. No more "third world" or "first world," just "one world."

 
It could obviously g
o the other way, of course, with us all getting face-raped by Reptilian shape-shifters in FEMA camps while the elite enact every bullet point on the Georgia Guidestones through devious and dangerous means. But it could also go the other way, with petty wars between nations being abandoned in favor of the necessary pursuit of planetary self-defense against the inevitable future threat of alien beings flying in to mine the DMT from our fluoride soaked pineal glands. Here's a thought...
  
How about we ignore what blanket terms he uses to describe his ideal political system, and instead listen to the bullet points he uses to strengthen his argument?
  
  • A massive redistribution of the wealth
  • Heavy taxation of corporations
  • Responsibility for energy companies and any companies exploiting the environment
  • Marginalizing the importance of profit
 
They all seem like legit points to me.
   
A system based around warring political parties is so depressingly juvenile. When I hear a person discussing the state of the world, about social reform, I'll usually listen with an unbiased mindset. But when they start using terms like "liberal," "conservative," "democrat," "republican," "far left," "far right," "leftist," they almost immediately lose me, in that it almost invalidates whatever points they're trying to make. Why pigeon hole someone you disagree with a label? Most of these words aren't intended to be used as adjectives. Unless someone self-identifies as a liberal, calling them one in an attempt to trivialize their argument is fucking stupid. Don't attempt to mask the fact you can't debate the points they're making by dishing out tired political-themed insults, you generic asshole.
   
If you ask me, people of all walks of life, SPECIFICALLY POLITICIANS, need to speak personally, from their own perspective. They need to speak through experience vs. speaking peripheral opinions of whatever political party they choose to self-identify with. They need to stop using political parties and group mindsets to "strengthen" their arguments. They need to speak honestly and from the heart....not deceitfully and from the wallet.
   
When the conspiracy / activist community starts to ostracize any voice of dissent that doesn't align 100% with their views, it gives me a headache. Maybe you want to live in a peaceful anarchy and disagree with Russell Brand calling for a socialist system....but who cares? He is still calling for change, he is still voicing his discontent on the current government, he is still attacking mainstream media, literally mocking them on live TV. He is on our side of the fight. 
   
  Now in voicing this opinion, I must also admit I'm being somewhat hypocritical. I absolutely loath Rage Against the Machine, who are arguably also 'on our side of the fight.' But I also think Rage Against the Machine make sophomoric, garbage music that trivializes the voice of activism. Call me crazy, but mediocre angst fueled temper-tantrum rock rap isn't going to topple the machine. Nor do I trust a band who claims to be raging against the machine is actually raging against said machine when they are signed to Epic records. But that's a different discussion for a different day. Back to Russell Brand.
  
  
The most far-reaching and, in my opinion, most effective social commentary is usually comedic, satirical, musical, or artistic in nature. Wit, brevity, and artistic expression will always trump hyperbolic aggression. It's detrimental to the activist cause to merely bash people over the head in a condescending fashion, which is why comedy and music are so useful to offset the abrasive realities activists / social commentators are divulging to the general public.

People like Bill Hicks, Doug Stanhope, Douglas Adams, Frank Zappa, John Lennon, Trey Parker / Matt Stone, and others of their ilk have (or had) the ability to better navigate around censorship by 'masking' their messages with golden nuggets of comedy, music, and artistic expression.

That is why Russell Brand is making ripples right now - it's easier for people to relate to the guy making you laugh than it is to relate to the guy calling you a sheep through a megaphone.
I think the biggest reason I actually trust Russell Brand is on the correct side of the fight is because every time I've seen him get interviewed the interviewers attempt to take the piss out of him. It's absurd that the majority of journalists taxed with interviewing modern cultural figures trivialize any sort of dissenting thought. If you notice with these interviews, the dissenters always have impassioned, intellectually driven opinions they attempt to discuss. The interviewer then always goes on auto-pilot mode; acting smugly condescending, diverting the conversation away from the points the dissenter is making. Essentially they shoehorn the entire tone of the interview from an actual discussion to a mockery of whoever they are interviewing.
 
Look how they treated Ron Paul for decades. The journalists interviewing him never gave him the chance to share his opinion on matters. They manufactured this unwarranted aura of snide contempt for him. Any dissenters....honest politicians (which is practically an oxymoron), comedians who disguise potent social commentary as comedy to get away with it, celebrity activists like Jesse Ventura. They all get mocked by talking head journalists who lack the ability to have an amicable, spirited debate.

And that is why I don't appreciate seeing the same sort of behavior by activists, especially the smart, talented activists who are making waves and busting their asses for our rights. Don't taint the waves you're making, brahs, by balancing on the razors edge of activist and hipster. If you want to marginalize Russell Brands efforts and mock everyone inspired by his words, at least explain why you think he is an obvious puppet of the elite and everyone are such idiots for respecting his latest rhetoric. When I raged against Rage Against the Machine, I backed up my ridiculously hyperbolic rant with a number of reasons for having those opinions. Try doing the same, or at least add in a bit of comedy to off-set the smugness that is detrimental to our cause, is all I'm saying.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Ruining Jokes

Sometimes I enjoy ruining the punchlines of corny jokes with equally applicable answers, or even statements that nullify the joke entirely.



"Why is 6 afraid of 7?"
 Because 7 is of greater numerical value than 6.


"Why did the chicken cross the road?" 
Because the chicken achieved cognitive self-awareness that warned him to get the fuck out of there before he gets murdered and eaten.
 
  
"How do you make a 12 year old cry twice?"
 Why the fuck would you want to make a 12 year old cry twice, you sadistic piece of shit?
  
"A man walked into a bar...."
 Jesus Christ, I don't wanna hear his life story.


"Want to hear a dirty joke?"
 Two horses stuck in the mud.............penetrating Mr Hands.
 
(Alternative)
 Only if it involves yeast infections, menstrual blood and twisty straws.
  
 "Knock Knock."
 Please state your first and last name.
 

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Meg Skank-whore-Zimons

I thought this news story was great. Apparently some femifascist cunt threatened herself with rape on Facebook in an unsuccessful attempt to spark controversy. She would then feed off said controversy like a maggot, using it as an excuse to publicly spew condescending, venomous vitriol at passerby's with absolutely zero personal context.
  
 
The first and most obvious point I'm going to make....and I think I'm speaking for EVERYONE and their mothers on this one.....I don't think very many people would want to stick their dick near her in even consensual circumstances. I don't think very many people would want to stick YOUR dick near her in even consensual, drunken, sedated circumstances. Furthermore....

 
 ....judging from Megs build and bulldogish demeanor, I don't think very many people would feel confident enough in their ability to forcibly enter her, not without getting beaten up and raped themselves. Nor do I think they would have confidence in the ability to maintain an erection whilst in her presence. Sure, a certain demographic, namely black males into giving BBWs their BBC, would actually PREFER a woman of this rugged and hefty nature. But her personality, as can be assumed from her unwarranted hatred of anything without a gash, is probably enough to counteract the effects of a Viagra overdose.
  
Who does this cunt think she is to stand on a soap box in public and yell at all these people she's likely never had any personal correspondence with? To blindly and ignorantly assume everyone harbors rape fantasies. The article I'm reading this off of refers to a rally against RAPE CULTURE.
   
RAPE CULTURE? What in the fuck is rape culture? How can you boldly suggest that rape is so prevalent at this university, that it necessitates an entire culture? Are freshmen  shanghaied by the dozens into rape dungeons underneath the Omega Alpha Buttrape frat and forced to endure creepy occult rituals? Do they have a Rape Doctrine and Rape Robes they wear at Rape Initiation Rituals? Maybe use the Sacred Rape Dagger to sacrifice raped goats?
 
 
 The closest thing I can compare RAPE CULTURE to is Infinite Jelly Ethos. We base a huge portion of our comedy off of rape jokes. We in no way support rape; we satirize it and throw an over-the-top magnifying lense to it. Anyone who takes our "rape comedy" series seriously enough to be offended is a jackass of such monumental proportions they shouldn't even be on the internet in the first place.

So I present Meg Skank-whore Zimons with the absolute rapiest episodes of our comedic rape series. 





She could check out the first 5 episodes of our on-going series Rape to the Future....


Then she should, of course, check out every episode of Season 2, aka COSMIC ASSRAPE ARMADA.


 Hell, ya know what, Meg Skank-whore-Zimons? Why not start at the humble beginnings and watch all 30+ episodes in a row? Use the official Infinite Jelly Ethos homepage for a classy, thematic experience that will surely moisten your attention seeking slit to the point of making your entire house smell like the putrid, rotting corpses of sea creatures housed at an unkempt aquatic mortuary.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Of Cover Bands and Telltale Games

I have never understood the concept of basing ones entire body of artistic expression off of another artist's signature style.

For example - tribute bands who never progress past playing other peoples songs, or cover bands that never start writing originals. Don't get me wrong, I've seen a half-dozen Grateful Dead tribute bands, with Dark Star Orchestra handily taking the cake as the most impressive, and most of them are pretty killer as far as copying the Grateful Dead goes, but me personally? I could never base my entire music career on playing another persons songs, singing another persons words, stealing another musicians guitar style. It seems like a waste of talent.

Any asshole can pick up a guitar and learn how to play a bunch of generic classic rocks staples like Hotel California, Horse With No Name, War Pigs, and The Joker and blast through them exactly as they were written. But composing something new...how could that NOT be the primary goal of a musician?

How are all these killer guitarists aping Jerry Garcias style not brimming with new musical ideas? It's not like it's easy to re-create the energy and presence of Jerry. Why not use that talent and drive to create something new?

I could write three songs every day if I put in the effort. Hell, even at work I can write music in my head, melodies and guitar riffs and chord progressions bouncing around my brain like it's a pinball machine, as I wait to get home to record those ideas on instruments. And as a musician, there's nothing as satisfying as performing those originals live, or to listen back on finished recordings and know that you created it, that's your ideas and your execution on your guitar. It's rewarding. So I have to wonder....

What compels a musician to remain satisfied merely mimicking other people? Learning covers is like a chore to me most of the time. How can that be the entire foundation of ones artistic expression?

Is it a lack of creativity? Or maybe a fear people might not relate to your original compositions? That unique edge that makes your influences stand out to you....why would you NOT want to recreate that same level of creativity and innovation, but on your own terms? Instead of using the brilliance of others as a crutch on a plateau, use it as an influence towards making a signature style of your own. (It's kind of like how any cynical blog, including this one, inevitably feels, at the very least influenced by Maddox. And at the worst reads like a Maddox clone.)

I know it pays off some times. Furthur, which is the latest embodiment of the Grateful Dead, features a former lead guitarist of aforementioned Dark Star Orchestra. Judas Priest hired Ripper Owens after hearing him singing in a Priest tribute band, British Steel. Ripper Owens has been in many projects post-Priest, working with various heavy metal legends (Yngwie Malmsteen, Iced Earth) and becoming a heavy metal legend in his own right. While he will always sound somewhat similar to Rob Halford, he has definitely developed his own style and moved past being a mere knock-off. 


 
It can pay off. Ripper moved past being a mere Rob Halford imitator, to an actual performer in the band, and even past that, onto his own creative vision.
 
It just seems boring to never write music, to always play someone elses notes. Learning covers only to play them note for note and execute them in the same fashion they were written....why not take the composition and turn it on its head? It can still be a cover even if it's played differently. (That means you, Robert Plant and Jimmy Page, you thieving cunts.)

I have a friend who rages dozens of cover songs on the acoustic and variates their style. And maybe if I could play acoustic guitar better, and had a better singing voice, and was still looking for a band....maybe that concept would seem much more appealing to me. It's much more interesting since he puts his own spins on all these songs, instead of just rehashing the compositions exactly the same as they were written. And no doubt it takes a lot of talent to learn all these notes and lyrics and pull them off....but to me it seems like a waste of time when you can be writing songs of your own.

Which leads me to Telltale games....somehow. Maybe I should have skipped the sloppy, forced segue from tribute bands to Telltale Games. But in any case, Telltale Games come across as nothing more than glorified plagiarists. While all these Jerry Garcia knock-offs have undeniable talent and passion, Telltale just seem like glorified plagiarists to me. (Much like those thieving bastards Robert Plant and Jimmy Page.)

Telltale first caught my attention with the Walking Dead game. I have since finished the first four chapters, and while it got slightly better in Episodes 2, 3 and 4, it still was overall an overwhelmingly disappointing experience. I have voiced discontent of the Walking Dead game in the past, but I'm moving beyond that and looking at Telltale as a company.

Telltale have made 24 games since 2005. Of these 24 games, the ONLY GAME to use original characters (instead of relying on licensed characters) is their first game. And what exactly was their first game? Their first game was.........................Telltale Texas Hold'em.
So the only creative ability possessed by Telltale....the only game they managed to crap out in the past 8 years that wasn't based entirely around someone else's ideas....was a crappy poker game? And considering Telltale didn't invent poker, their one "original" game was still essentially based entirely around someone elses ideas.

To me that is definitive proof that Telltale Games have always been hack game developers who merely cash in on already lucrative franchises by developing half-assed games they then use to swindle the pre-established fan bases out of their money with.

 
Look at this list of crap they've produced I've stolen from wikipedia. 

Bone: Out from BonevilleSeptember 15, 20051 (Standalone title) EWindows
CSI: 3 Dimensions of MurderMarch 21, 20065 episodes (Standalone title)Windows, PlayStation 2
Bone: The Great Cow RaceApril 12, 20061 (Standalone title) EWindows
Sam & Max Save the WorldOctober 17, 2006 - April 26, 20076 episodes (monthly)Windows, Xbox 360, Wii
CSI: Hard EvidenceSeptember 25, 20075 episodes (Standalone title)Windows, OS X, Wii, Xbox 360
Sam & Max Beyond Time and SpaceNovember 8, 2007 - April 10, 20085 episodes (monthly)Windows, Xbox 360, Wii, OS X, PlayStation 3, iOS
Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive PeopleAugust 11, 2008 - December 15, 20085 episodes (monthly)Windows, Wii, PlayStation 3, OS X
Wallace & Gromit's Grand AdventuresMarch 24, 2009 - July 30, 20094 episodes (monthly)Windows, Xbox 360, iOS
Tales of Monkey IslandJuly 7, 2009 - December 8, 20095 episodes (monthly)Windows, Wii, OS X, PlayStation 3, iOS
CSI: Deadly IntentOctober 20, 20095 episodes (Standalone title)Windows, Xbox 360, Wii
Sam & Max: The Devil's PlayhouseApril 15, 2010 - August 30, 20105 episodes (monthly)Windows, OS X, PlayStation 3, iOS
Hector: Badge of Carnage DJune 2, 2010 - September 22, 20113 episodesiOS, Windows, OS X
Nelson Tethers: Puzzle AgentJune 30, 20101 (Standalone title) E PWindows, OS X, PlayStation 3, iOS
CSI: Fatal ConspiracyOctober 26, 20105 episodes (Standalone title)Windows, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, Wii
Poker Night at the InventoryNovember 22, 20101 (Standalone title) E P[29]Windows, OS X
Back to the Future: The GameDecember 22, 2010 - June 23, 20115 episodes (monthly)Windows, OS X, PlayStation 3, iOS, Wii
Puzzle Agent 2June 30, 20111 (Standalone title) E PWindows, OS X, PlayStation 3, iOS
Jurassic Park: The GameNovember 15, 2011
November 15, 2011 - May 24, 2012
4 episodes (Standalone title)
4 episodes (bi-monthly) (iOS)
Windows, OS X, iOS, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360
Law & Order: LegaciesDecember 22, 2011 - March 29, 20127 episodes (bi-weekly)iOS, Windows, OS X
The Walking DeadApril 24, 2012 - November 20, 2012[30]5 episodes (bi-monthly)Windows, OS X, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, iOS, PlayStation Vita,[31] Ouya[32]
Poker Night 2[33]April 24, 2013[34]1 (Standalone title) E PXbox 360, Windows, OS X, PlayStation 3, iOS
The Wolf Among Us[35]October 11, 2013[36] - present5 episodes (monthly)[36]Windows, OS X, Xbox 360, PlayStation 3
The Walking Dead Season Two[15][16][17]Q4 2013[37]TBAOuya,[32] PlayStation 4[38]


What is that, 4 separate CSI games? Jurassic Park and Back to the Future point and clicks? Three Walking Dead games? And they even went BACK to the poker, only this time started using licensed characters?

Holy fuck, this company sucks balls.

And the worst part is, no one seems to realize it. Everyone rides Telltale dick with the Walking Dead game, as if that game was the cure to herpes or something. But that game was trivial and boring. It was so god damn derivative. It was ridden with cliches. Think about it........

Telltale Games do not develop their own fictional universes. They merely adopt other peoples ideas and retool them. I mean, that's a HUGE hurtle to leap right off the bat in the development of a game - creating the world and the characters that will inhabit this world? That's a big step. Telltale has skipped that first step in pretty much every single game they've ever made. They take other peoples ideas and capitalize off them. To me that is completely unoriginal and lazy. But that's not where the laziness ends.....

So they've got this head start, using these licensed characters from well established franchises, basically nullifying the necessity of coming up with any original ideas at all. On top of that, they've got the built-in fanbase for each separate franchise to milk off of, so they're sitting pretty with most of the work done for them already. With these substantial head starts in development, they should be able to create amazing games with sprawling over-worlds and lush graphics that control well and have amazing game-play, all to compliment the story they apparently put so much effort into, am I right? Games that aren't merely cashing in on these franchises, but enriching them, perhaps? Right?

And what do these unoriginal cock-suckers do?

They make pedestrian point and click games with shoddy graphics and corny voice acting that are completely linear and lacking any sort of true creativity or innovation.
 
How are people fooled into thinking Telltales Walking Dead is impressive? The story isn't even that good, considering how lacking the execution is. They basically claim to have focused all their efforts on story as an excuse to half-ass the graphics, trivialize the game play, phone-in the voice acting....essentially they are completely leeching off of other peoples creativity and getting "Game of the Year" awards for a horribly sophomoric product.

These games aren't fun, they're bland. They're fucking POINT AND CLICK games, for fucks sake. Where is the creativity in taking other peoples ideas and shoe-horning those ideas into half-assed point and click games that fail on literally every level besides the story?

Another thing, all the Telltale jockstrap riders will attack anyone who points out these noticeable flaws in these terrible games. They'll attack with a cliched "Go back to Call of Duty, you clearly can't appreciate games with clever story-telling, blah blah blah!" No, I totally appreciate games with a good storyline. I even think the story of Telltales Walking Dead could have been pretty good....if the rest of the game was up to par. The story, admittedly, deserved a better delivery. It deserved a better game. But it still wasn't that impressive, considering it was wasted potential. (And full of cliche characters, as well as situations lifted right from the comic and redressed with said new cliche characters.)

So now we got all these Telltales jock-riders either saying "You only hate the game because it's popular!" (while failing to realize the high expectations I harbored for the game were due to my love of the very popular comic and even more popular TV series) or "You couldn't understand and/or appreciate the breadth of the story!" But what these fanatics don't seem to realize is how lacking the game is in everything besides its story, which in itself is a deviation of Kirkman's creation and thus, rendered completely unimpressive.

I understand enjoying the game, but stop putting it on some unwarranted pedestal.

 
What I don't understand is why people defend the game, as if it somehow validates a versatility in their own tastes because they can enjoy something so shitty and low budget. "I'm so hip, guys! I can enjoy a video game that takes all the fun elements out of video games! I can enjoy this game that is inherently boring and shallow because I enjoy it's story. Aren't I just radical and bodacious?!"

And the best part about it all is the illusion of choice the game gives you. You get all these choices, and have the time despite your choice it won't even matter - the story will inevitably end up the same exact place every time. If Telltale were truly trying to make an innovative experience that wasn't a mere cash-in, they would have had branching storylines. Maybe getting the option to pillage and murder the cannibalistic farmers instead of going to their farm in peace. Maybe the option to shoot Duck in the face then wipe out the rest of his family. But no, every single decision leads you the same god damn place as before. It's an illusion of choice, when in reality the game is one of the most linear games I've ever played. It's equivalently linear to on-the-rail shooters, just in a far more subtle way.





























































Monday, October 7, 2013

Love and Learn (Pilot: Rape Baby Blues)


Realm of the Rave (part 2)

December 17th, 2012
(4:20 AM)

Higher and higher through the craggy peaks of the DNB mountain we climb. Through the perilous winds and unrelenting snow and ice rain we press valiantly onward. We are morose in nature; only the bravest of the Psychedelic Monk Order have dared journey this far into the Realm of the Rave. Only monks of the utmost skill, strongest will, and sharpest wit return from this damned place. And should you return, you run the risk of being cursed with Raver Scabies or PLURpes, and an assortment of additional Intellectually Transmitted Diseases that rot your brain and very soul to the point of enjoying Girl Talk.
 
But onward we press, for the good of the order, for the good of music, for the good of this wretched world. Our traversing of the DNB peaks is a labored climb, for the burden of the musical instruments upon our backs, though a necessary strain to avoid certain death from the monotonous music that rapes our senses from every angle, prove admittedly heavy after miles of walking and mental duress.
 
The Jungle Jungle peeks ominously through the clouds and mist below, tree canopy's snarled and branches twisted with raver candy, tacky and offensive to the eye.
 
 
At the foot of the mountain lies the corpses of several dozen slain animals, once the cheerfully E-tarded members of the Jungle Jungles Eco-system. These rapacious beasts had attempted to penetrate the sacred circle of our meditative aura-cleansing jam session with bared teeth and malicious intentions. Thus, we were forced to swiftly murder these hapless creatures, and though their ultimate goal was to rip our throats out in a molly induced rage, I couldn't help feel pity for them.

Imagine....year after torturous year of the same beat, the same tempo, with absolutely no appreciation for music beyond a kick drum to move to and sub-bass to groove to. In a way, I feel we ended their pain and suffering. We offered them sanctuary from the misery of insufferable musical monotony........by killing them.

This was not our first mercy killing during this quest - far from it. Why, only a week prior we had burned down the Happy Hardcore Hospitals, and the day before that laid waste to the Italo Disco Orphanages. Oh no, this was not the first time we used fatal means to secure our passage - and it shan't be the last, I fear.


The journey ahead of us is lengthy indeed, and full of danger. Tales of old passed generation to generation...the local folklore...even the sullen denizens of the Psytrance Valley Tavern...all warned of ill-reputed creatures that lurked the mountain paths ahead. They spoke in hushed whispers of the Drum Step Black Bear, a dastardly creature looking to fill the gaping holes in its ecstasy rotted brain with the flesh of its horribly disfigured and deceased victims. The Jump Up Wolf Pack run amok on these damned slopes, thousand strong, hungrily stalking their prey with a dehydrated stagger. And last but certainly not least of all, the Darkstep Yetis, who's Liquid Funk vomit melts human flesh like cheese on a bagel.


But onward we press despite these perils, for the trials the Psychedelic Monk Order face will only strengthen our resolve, on a damned quest to exterminate the EDM over-saturation before it engulfs entire generations in its tidal wave of unwarranted popularity and unrivaled musical laziness.

I mean seriously, should not the player of instruments receive a greater bounty than that of the peasant DJ, merely pushing buttons and sliding levers? Should not the banger of drums, shredder of guitar, tickler of ivories and slapper of bass receive a higher wage than that of the pushers of buttons, the twisters of knobs and the pumper of fists? Should the worth of a group of people with the intuitive grasp and understanding of music theory necessitated to make music as a unit NOT trump the worth of a simple musical mime? How are 4 musicians capturing live jams paid less than the human MP3 player mashing up other peoples works? Should not 4 people be payed 4 times as much as one person?

And therein lies the enemy.....artificial music. On December 21st, 2012 it is said a great cataclysmic event will occur. And that event, I fear, is the EDMpocalypse. EDM, the very genre of music itself, will manifest all the worst elements of its essence into being with full self-awareness. Hundreds of thousands of super computers built by this self-aware EDM monoliath will churn out millions of remashes, bootlegs, remixes, party mixes, extended party bootleg mixes, and all manner of trash musical rehash, ultimately ending the world in an apocalyptic flurry of blinding noise pollution, raping every nook, cranny, and crevice of the earth and the pores and souls of all its inhabitants.

But that EDMpocalypse doesn't have to happen....not if the Order of Psychedelic Monks have anything to say about it. Not if we are able to succeed in our quest and fulfill our destiny...