Sunday, November 17, 2013

Commercials With Two Punchlines Suck

You ever notice how the corny TV commercials that try to be funny and edgy always try to sandwich their products with two punchlines? That shit is fucking irritating. Usually the commercial will feature some character that does something 'whacky' and 'outrageous,' a quick verbal summary of the product is presented (oftentimes with logo accompaniment), and then the character will throw in an additional quip to the already lame and tired joke. Examples:

If youtube has deleted the video, I'll describe it briefly. Two bitches are working out on faggy stair climber gym machines, watching TV. The white bitch then says to the black bitch, noting the advertisement on the TV, that she was unaware of Geico's policies and tagline. The black bitch goes "Everybody knows that, cracker, is you fucking stupid?" Then the white bitch awkwardly jerks her eyes around like a dickhead as she makes a statement about trees falling in the woods making noise even if no one else is there.

So then it cuts to this tree in the woods with a mouth and it's yelling. We're left to assume this is the only tree in that particular forest with the ability to speak, because this bitch implied that nobody was there. Her statement was that tired "If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around, it does make a sound." First of all, if the tree has cognitive awareness then the forest is NOT empty. If a tree is using  speech to communicate, it implies said tree has the ability to hear, thus the tree yelling being the sound the tree makes is a paradoxical example of the "empty woods no sound" quandary.

Second of all, why is this the only tree that is talking? Why aren't the other trees in the forest responding? Is this the only tree in the forest with the ability to speak? If so, who exactly was he talking to? Furthermore, how is this tree undiscovered by the human race? I'm sure hikers of some variety would have stumbled upon it. Are we to believe this tree is instinctively aware of humans greedy and capitalistic nature, giving it reason to intentionally remain silent when said hikers are going past him so he doesn't become a tourist attraction?

What an annoying commercial. As if the awkward white bitch and the self-contradictory talking tree weren't bad enough, we have to deal with multiple unfunny punchlines in a row. "Oh wow, a talking tree! How delightful! Nice punchline! Asking for help in an empty forest! Oh, a second punchline! How generous of Geico! I'll certainly buy their products now!"
I don't rarely watch TV anymore. I pirate the shows I watch right off my computer to directly avoid seeing these cringe inducing advertisements. So I can't think of anymore examples. Feel free to comment below and suggest similar commecials.

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