Monday, July 22, 2013

Bitstrips Are For Assholes

I've been seeing people share these irritating little comic strips populated with what appears to be them and their friends on Facebook for a few months now. The art style of said comics are generic, bland, and blatantly annoying to look at. The jokes are corny every time. And my reaction to seeing these faggy little comic strips is usually one of simultaneous disgust and indifference. But then I saw one of my buddies make one of these lame comics featuring him and his new girlfriend....
Really? This kid actually continues to get laid after making that lame shit his cover photo? Any quality woman would dump the asshole responsible for perpetuating their likeness in a faggy comic. Especially in a fresh, 2 hour old relationship. Then again, being the generation raised on MTV and XTREME marketing, chicks eat this brand of retarded right up. They probably find it "cute," as opposed to what it really is....awkward and vomit-inducing.
 So I finally figured out what they were called, after being occasionally reminded of their existence every few weeks. "BITSTRIPS." Even the name itself makes me want to burn down orphanages and reevaluate my stance on suicide.

The idea itself is solid enough I guess - a comic strip generator that allows talentless jabronis to depict themselves and their shitty friends in zany, outrageous scenarios without having to learn the first thing about drawing the fucking thing themselves. And while the options did seem rather vast when I took the 5 minutes to cook up my anti-bitstrip can completely customize your unoriginal character, choose from a variety of different backgrounds, decide how many panels you want in a comic strip....the end product always winds up coming across shallow and forced.

Comics aren't supposed to be generic, mass-produced, and lacking of a single original thought. That defeats the purpose of using a comic as the medium to tell your story.
Bitstrips...even the name itself is something an asshole would come up with. I can just imagine some over-enthusiastic knob with a collared Dave Matthews Band shirt enthusiastically saying it; "BIT STRIPS! DER!"
The name and end product of Bitstrips are so fucking lame I can't even wring any humor out of the figurative rag that is Bitstrips. There's just something so annoyingly narcissistic about the whole concept that compelled me to write this article.

Instant Comics and Cards starring YOU and your friends!
See? Wicked narcissistic. Sure, the whole concept of my writing persona is to be a narcissistic dickhead, so I'm being borderline hypocritical calling something else narcissistic. But there's a difference between my narcissism and the narcissism of those who lack self-awareness. Unlike people who use this comic book generator to make faggy little comics populated by them and their asshole friends, I don't lack the self-awareness to see the faults in my writing...and there are plenty of faults.
There is just something inherently wrong with a comic book generator. Especially one that gives people such generic, shoddy results. And this is coming from someone that took Garfield Minus Garfield and started throwing in Admiral Ackbar. I mean, at least I realized I was being an unoriginal dickhead with that concept. That's why I even called it "It's A Twapfield." It was intentionally bad. But the people who actually make these bitstrips, you can tell they think they're so cheeky and cute and fun. They're PROUD of their end result. Whereas I feel like mentally cutting myself after finishing every article; I feel like a genuine asshole after every issue of "It's A Twapfield" because I know its bad. These bitstrip fags though....they take themselves seriously, and that is a sobering thought.
I bet they even laugh at their own shitty comics, and excitedly share them with their douchebag friends who are also featured in the comic. How they are able to both take their comics seriously and laugh at them at the same time is beyond my realm of comprehension in my current state of car-less sobriety.


  1. Every few weeks when i see one of these on my facebook feed I feel like screaming at that person that the inside joke between them and their friends isn't funny. It isn't funny to anyone else. It isn't funny in "comic" form. Just stop it, stop it now.

    These things drive me nuts. I mean, I was driven to searching "fuck bitstrips" in google JUST to see if anyone out there agreed with me after seeing in bitstrip how someone I don't really care about fell over or something. OH HOW ffffffFUCKING WHIMSICAL!... -_-

    I've had worse reasons to unfriend someone.

    1. Haha! I fucking hate Bitstrips and did the Google search on "fuck bitstrips" myself as well!

    2. Good, gospel spreads. Maybe I should make a bitstrip to dramatize the concept of my anti-bitstrip gospel spreading through "Fuck bitstips" google searches

  2. Haha, great write up. These just started poping up on my fb feed and already I'm sick of it. Unfunny unoriginal crap.

  3. These fucking things have gotten quite popular the past few weeks, haven't they? I wrote this article back in July, when Bitstrips were but whispers on Facebook. Now Facebook has a full blown outbreak of bistrip-herpes sores

  4. Could you be trying any harder to be

    1. I'm actually surprised it took this long for someone to say something like that. Maddox is one of my biggest influences. He literally defined the "rant" genre on the internet, and I grew up reading his writing. But he's only one of my many influences, a list that also includes Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Bill Hicks, Doug Stanhope, Douglas Adams, Larry David, Louis CK, George Carlin, Tenacious D, and others.

      You claiming I ripped off the style Maddox pioneered is like asking Iron Maiden why they try so hard to be Black Sabbath. To deny the influence would be ignorant on my part, but for you to completely miss the major differences in our writing styles is fallacious.

      Whereas Maddox rarely (if ever) breaks character, I frequently break character, picking fun at myself and my writing, making fun of this blog....I don't "Break the 4th wall...." I nuke the 3rd wall and rape the 5th and 6th walls. (Those walls being your mothers sugar walls.) My writing is extremely self-deprecating and neurotic, two words that I would NEVER use to describe the proprietor of "The Best Page in the Universe." And while you can tell Maddox proof-reads and edits his writing to perfection, I literally just shit out my angry, seldom sober rants in an hour or two and hit publish. The stream of consciousness is very rarely edited after I hit publish.

      The similarities are definitely there, but I've got a totally different style from Maddox. Basically we're both doing a social commentary shtick with exaggerated rage, utilizing diverse and sprawling vocabularic acrobatics to get our points across. This is a niche writing style on the internet. Rant Lister alone housed about 10 writers of a similar nature.

    2. So to answer your question, yes. I could easily try harder to be

      Having said all that, I wonder if you're the only person to catch the Maddox reference with the pirate bit-strip? That was a layered joke I thought was far too lame and obscure for anyone but me to catch.

  5. Ugh, thank you!! I admit back in April I have made just a few bitstrips of myself and friends, but it became old pretty fast. Though there's still some friends on my facebook that won't stop with this stupid app. I feel like telling them to fuck off, but I can't because they're sorta my friends, meh. I hope this comic will die off soon. It's so fucking gay.

  6. Wow somebody should stab you


If you should strike me down I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.