Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Sweet Funky Freedom Solves the Debt Crisis (Cultural Cancer Part 4)

I've had this blog for nearly a year now. In that time I've ranted, raved, satirized, parodied, mocked, self-mocked, offended, bewildered, commentated, trolled, rustled, exaggerated, laughed, cried, and came. (Just kidding.....I never cried. Only pussies cry.) Though many of these articles have a point they're trying to drive home, the social commentary often flies over many peoples heads, which is understandable and disappointing. It is in light of this, that I am going to write an article I hope will help shine light on what is a truly grim time in American History. So without further (unnecessary) adieu, I (non)humbly present...
Money is unnecassary. Money is the kindling of the figurative fire of tyranny. We should just abandon the concept of money entirely and move forward as a species into a more resource, self-sufficient based society. And I'm talking collectively, as a planet. War, poverty, tyranny, oppression, greed, injustice, propaganda, disinformation, manipulation....in the year 2013, these concepts should be abandoned entirely. To think, an entire world of people wishing they had the chance to kill the rest of the world. If only every nation knew how much we all collectively hate each other, maybe we could all bond on our shared pettiness, prejudice, intolerance and hostility!

But you've heard this all before. I've made many similar statements throughout the history of this blog. The stupidity of society. The rotten entities behind-the-scenes pulling all the strings and breeding all the stupid. The divide and conquer tactics that have successfully kept everyone at each others throats for as long as anyone can remember. It goes without saying, and says without going.

So instead of going the obvious route and picking apart society and the evil intentions of the government, I've decided to solve the debt crisis within the confines of society's current foundation. Instead of dismantling how we think about the world or how the country operates, I'll attempt to solve the debt crisis in a way everyone can cling to their blissfully ignorant states of indifference and unnecessary luxuries. 

(Note: The figures I'm grabbing are not researched, so please bare with me and look at the bigger picture being presented in the article as opposed to exact figures or other trivial details.)

So according to some random site off the internet, the US is in $16,609,040,900,846 of debt.

Ok, so let's take those figures and deduct meaningless spent lumps of cash and see if we can even begin to make a dent. Let's pick something at random, anything will do...how about...15 highest salaries of athletes from 2011 and Top 10 salaries of athletes from 2012, add them all up and see how much of a difference that makes.

So just 15 athletes in the year 2011 made $361,150,000 - I can't even imagine how much money the entirety of the MLB and NBA franchises made together. Lets combine this lump sum with the top 10 paid athletes of 2012.....

So the top 10 athletes of 2012 made more than the top 15 athletes of 2011? Weird trend there. I'm sure if there was a statistically accurate site of all the salaries in every major sports franchise, we'd be presented with figures high enough to clothe, feed, and house every person in the planet 5 times over with $75 left over for a rim-job from a cheap prostitute. But for the sake of ridiculing the debt crisis, let's continue on with this rather lazy and very reaching method I've chosen to implement.

So 2011s 15 most paid athletes + 2012s Top 10 paid athletes equals: $904,250,000 Assuming there are no repeats in 2012, that's 25 people making over $904 million dollars for playing games. That's not even taking into account the hundreds of other athletes getting payed gratuitous sums of cash to play a game. Let's see how big a dent 25 people can take out of the debt....

Barely made a dent. Shit. Maybe I should just bail entirely, much like society itself should bail from the concept of money. But I'll trudge onward, if only to provide myself minor entertainment for another half hour.

So the top 10 most paid Hollywoods Stars of 2011 would be....

 And combine that with the collective net worth of the richest rappers of 2012....

And that's as far as I'm gonna go with this article. If Birdman legitimately has a net worth of $125 million, I simply do not need to further debunk the stupidity of our financial infrastructure. $1,505,000,000 collective net-worth of 4 worthless, talentless rappers? And Dr Dre?  Lets just deduct the sums of 2012's highest rapper net worth and the top 10 highest paid stars of Hollywood in 2011 and see if any impact has been made....

Fuck this shit. Solving the debt crisis looks like it would take WAY too much effort. And if Birdman is really worth over $150 million, I think it's safe to assume a monetary system is illogical and flawed. Some talentless crackhead can have a net worth $150 million, and innocent, regular people continue to starve and die on the street. P Diddy has $550 million, and yet social security will soon run out for my entire generation and probably even most of my parents generation as well. The system needs a reboot. 

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