Monday, February 4, 2013

How To Be Successful In The Music Industy

People think mainstream success and popularity in the music industry is something difficult to attain. But they seem to be forgetting how bland, talentless, and contrived mainstream music is. Compose and performing pop music only requires 4 Chords. It's dead simple to write a pop hit.
  In the academy of music, mainstream music is like the "Special Education" class. On the other side of the spectrum, we have "Progressive Rock" and "Classical" which would be like Metaphysics and Epistemology. (Or gym class maybe.)

So let me explain to you how to attain success in the music industry.
Because it's simple. Basically, you "sell your soul" to a shadowy group of music industry execs that run the business behind the scenes. It is this council of homosexual, Jewish pedophiles who determine what bands and artists are the most viable income streams. Being a viable income streams justifies shot at mainstream success.
Clearly talent doesn't just take the back seat on the bus of mainstream music. The bus that is mainstream music literally drags talent behind it. The bloodstains of talent stain the road to success. Many corpses of former talents lie about, like Lady Gaga and Lil Wayne.

Once you've signed yourself away to slavery, you will then  literally whore your body, dignity, talent, and spirituality. The same pedophile Jewish homosexual industry execs who gave your success the green light in the first place will expect you to polish their knobs with your mouth, anus, and vagina (if applicable). In fact, you'll probably be asked to perform oral sex in that same meeting you sold your soul in before the ink on your contract even dries.

You think I'm fucking around? Disregard the "Conspiracy Humor Blog" in the website title for a second here. If you want to be successful in the mainstream....if you want to garner support from the media....if you want tabloids over-glorifying your mediocre, soulless 'art' and making you out to be some sort of deity....if you want to be a CELEBRITY....then be prepared to suck a few dicks before the ink on your contract has a chance to dry.

You know what Justin Beiber has for breakfast? DICK. You know what Justin Beiber has for brunch? DICK. You know what Justin Beiber has for lunch? A ham and cheese sandwich........with SEMEN for MAYONNAISE. And then he has
DICK for DESERT. Just look at his cock sucking face. They even have the kid wearing lipstick. How a person this shitty, this corny, this corn-filled-shitty, could become so famous and get so much loyal fans and boat loads of cash, is beyond my comprehension.

How many cocks did this little bitch have to suck to get to his level of fame? I'll tell you how many. Enough to make Lisa Sparxxx shudder and reevaluate her life.

So you sold your body, soul, orifices, and artistic integrity for fame and wealth. In return, you are given the "amazing opportunity" to take part in perpetuating intentionally bad, cookie-cutter music designed to dumb down and indoctrinate the sheep-like masses. Nothing will ever unsuck those dicks

Even if your artistic craft now reaches the biggest possible audience it possibly can, it doesn't matter. Because it isn't even your artistic craft anymore. The essence of you vision has been diluted, strained, and pissed in too much to even remotely resemble your original idea. Your opinions and lyrics are now dictated to you. You'll produce a FIRST DRAFT, at the most, which is then rewritten, redrafted, re-translated, rebooted and remade more times than Batman. You're fucked.
 You will never have an opportunity to make music the way you want to again, because you sold your very soul and all your rights away to some greedy record company, who you now owe 10 LPs and 5 EPs to over the next decade. You fucked yourself, bro. You fucked yourself hard.
Why would anyone even want a record deal? It's 2013, you fucking idiots. Moreover, why the fuck would you want to be a celebrity of any kind? To have the media following you everywhere...can't even take a shit without hearing paparazzi pacing outside the stall like a hungry lion waiting for its meal. Can't even buy yourself a hooker without Star Magazine and TMZ asking "Who is this woman, Lion Forests?! Is this your new girlfriend, Lion Forests? Are you her new beau?!" But back to the music industry....
Why would you want mainstream success as a musician in 2013? The music industry is literally dying. There is almost no need for a record deal at this point. Everything is at a DIY level. You're better off starting your own record label than trying to get signed to Century Media or Electra.
Back in the late 70's, you actually needed a record deal to have the ability to record professional sounding music. It cost something like $100,000 for all the studio equipment and instruments to record a professional sounding album. Never mind the decade of practice on actually learning an instrument.

 Nowadays you just buy a laptop and pirate Ableton Live or Fruity Loops 11. Then "borrow" someone elses (cracked version of) Massive and you're making crappy, mediocre Skrillex knock-off music in no time.

No one buys CDs anymore, and it's dead simple to get your music on I-tunes, and you don't have to suck a single dick to get it on there. (Unless you are a pervert for some reason want to.) You know what you have to do to get your music on I-tunes? You just sign up for a placement site like "Route Note" on the internet. Then you let the placement website you sign up for take 10 cents to every dollar of the profit your music makes.
You don't need to sell your soul and whore yourself throughout the media to be a successful musician. Just look at Iron Maiden. Iron Maiden is one of the biggest bands of all-time. They did it all on their own terms. They always made the music they wanted to, never got any radio play because of this but still managed to become of the biggest bands in the world. And they got to their level BEFORE the internet.

There is no longer any need for mainstream success. Music is more DIY then ever before. For less than $1000 you can have a home-studio and realistically record professional music from the comfort of your home. Make music on your own terms, not on other peoples. Why rely on a record company to book you studio time when you can just build your own home studio and create the music you actually want to write, completely free of unwarranted outside influence? Make albums on your own terms, and write the music you wish other people were writing.
Plus, wouldn't it suck to be one of those dozen mainstream artists getting glorified all the fucking time? Who actually wants that? There is no diversity in the music being offered in the mainstream. Why would you sell out to be lumped into a category with Kanye West, Jay-Z, Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj, Justin Beiber, and all the rest of those jackasses? Their music sucks. They literally suck to be there....with their mouths. For their one-minute-to-two-hours of fame, not only did they have to sacrifice their artistic integrity, but you better believe they are sucking the dicks of dying dinosaurs backstage before every performance. They fucked themselves. Fucked up their integrity.
I bet they were each given a ghost writer, maybe even a team of ghost-writers, who then decided to take over the composition, production, mixing, and mastering of all "their" "music." Hope the millions dollars can compensate for them never being able to artistically express themselves again without 17 people re-writing their composition, making additions, and being forced to facilitate guest appearances of no less than 3 gangsta rappers who lack any form of flow, strong delivery, rhythm, or a shred of original thought between the three of them.

They attend coke and sex parties, and regardless of gender they need to take a dick or two at every single sex and coke party to ensure their road to success remains well paved. The toll booths on the "Illuminatis Highway to Success" are actually grungy motels, stocked with comfortable couches, lubrication, cheap alcoholic beverages, ice, and the blood and tears of shattered artists - and they even need to pay for parking. But back to the ghost-writers....

So now they're starting to fill these sell outs music videos and album covers with occult symbology. Ghost-writing lyrics for them that intentionally promote ignorance, stupidity and sluttiness. And should they ever decide to publicly point out this process of "Industry Slavery," or decide to make a stand against one of the decisions made for their career, the same people that hired them will strike back. They will constantly exploit the sell-outs image, intentionally running their reputation through the dirt and turning the general public against them, usually using the terms "crazy" and "drug addiction" liberally. (SEE: Dave Chappelle, Katt Williams, Charlie Sheen, Randy Quaid, Tila Tequila)

Pretty much the same exact process rings true throughout Hollywood as the music industry, and arguably even in sports as well. In a nutshell:

"MK Ultra" (aka Mind-control techniques) is utilized on influential figure-heads who have been hand-picked due to being viable profit streams. They are then controlled to project a certain image into the masses subconscious to make the masses behave a certain way that will maximize profit for the MK Ultra Handlers and their associates
So the MK Ultra victims are used to basically perform social conditioning, a sort of "mass MK Ultra," on the general public.

In a nutshell inside another nutshell:

The Music Industry, Hollywood, and all forms of mainstream entertainment are controlled by a dark, greedy cult that intentionally promote violence, stupidity, fear-mongering, vanity, and greed to keep the masses, who they feel are intellectually inferior (I wonder why....couldn't possibly be jackasses like Lil Wayne and TV shows like Jersey Shore dumbing them down, could it?) vaguely entertained by morally-bankrupt 'art' performed by either talentless, auto-tuned hacks or by people who sacrificed the use of their talent in exchange for guaranteed success.

So to summarize the nutshell inside the other nutshell....

Being a celebrity is like being a glorified whore. Most celebrities are whores on artistic, spiritual, and physical levels. These people are literally whoring their identities, artistic integrity, and orifices out to the highest bidders. And I mean the bidders are literally high; they are huffing the jenkems of virgin adolescents who they will later sacrifice and deflower, in that order.


  1. This article is great. In my opinion one of the best music blogs around is artradio. The site contains a fantastic mix of quality music and artwork, it is definitely somewhere that I would recommend visiting.Successful Musician

    1. Thanks for spamming your scammy bullshit on this page! Much appreciated....dick.

  2. Get all your favorite alcoholic drinks at Duty Free Depot!

    All the popular brand name drinks for unbelievable discounted price tags.


If you should strike me down I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.