Friday, January 18, 2013

Shut The Fuck Up About Gun Control

Automatics this, hand guns that, gun control beat me off with a whiffleball bat. Here’s the thing about gun control….
Look, it's "HNNG" Control.


If we rebooted the entire infrastructure of the world on societal, financial, spiritual, and cultural levels, perhaps people would not resort to violence or petty crime in the first place. Guns would be reserved to “sporting” endeavors, such as hunting, target practice, and duels, the terms of which would be mutually agreed upon by all participants. (Even if it’s only one schizophrenic guy dueling the voices in his mind. {STOP MOUTHING OFF INSIDE MY MIND, EMILIO AND CHET. (THOSE ARE THE NAMES I GAVE TO THE VOICES PLACED IN MY HEAD BY GOVERNMENT MICROWAVE GUNS. I’M WRITING A SWEET FUNKY FREEDOM VERSION OF MY RANTLISTER ARTICLE, FOR FUCKS SAKE.)})

Here’s how we can solve disease and cure the gun control debate:
 
Take everything we know, learn all we can from history (and not the watered down version of History they teach us in schools so we jack off to American Flags and 9/11 Tribute Posters for the rest of our lives like Patriotic Zombies), reboot the system with everyone’s interest in mind instead of an elite few, and maybe people won’t need to steal, lie, cheat, manipulate, rape, murder, stalk, etc. Remove the need of crime – make it so living a crime-free life is not only easier, but more rewarding as well. Because right now it’s easier to unintentionally break the law than it is to keep track of them all.


Alternatively, scientists could always develop a legit, real world zombie plague to cure the ‘overpopulation’ issue and reintroduce the whole ‘survival of the fittest’ aspect that continually pisses away as we live lives of luxury and laziness. Just skip over gun control entirely and force everyone to run out of ammunition. In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, gun control will be a non-issue. Thus solved. Do it up, FEMA. We’re waiting. There’s thousands of conspiracy theorists still bummed out the Illuminati didn’t drag a comet into Earth with HAARP on December 21st, 2012. They’re just itching for that next killer tsunami or Swine Flu outbreak. So make it zombies, and literally nullify EVERY POLITICAL ISSUE at once.

Flesh-eating Corpses just sounds a bit more adventurous – and far less monotonous – than the whole “Indoctrinated corporate slaves slowly being poisoned by chosen luxuries in their diet, living styles, and personal intellectual development.”
 

2 comments:

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