Sunday, January 13, 2013

Let's Torture Ourselves (Sweet Funky Retro Freedom)

No, I don't have an S&M / BDSM fetish. This isn't physical pain I'm suggesting we inflict upon ourselves for sexual pleasure - more like...inconsequential mental anguish to sharpen the wit. See, instead of placing ones entire focus on the dire situation our planet is in....or the high propability of an impending false flag formulated to feed into the 2012 apocalypse frenzy sending the planet into a series of chaotic riots....sometimes its good to narrow the scopes from the bigger picture to a much, much smaller one. A great distraction is picking apart the nonsensical elements of pop culture, both those that are meant to enslave and brainwash us and those that are completely unaware.

It's good we remind ourselves how awesome we are by picking apart things we feel are shitty. Along the way, we'll have some laughs, some tears, some drinks and maybe some tit-sex for good measure. Here's a collection of Youtube videos that are so easy to hate, so infuriating to watch, that their existence is enough to take ones mind off of any matters of actual importance in this trying age.

 If god exists as a sentient being, and knew these people existed as his most devoted and loyal followers....he would kill himself. Hear that, shitheads? If God existed, you forced him into suicide years ago.

I really don't have anything against religion...when it's taken at face value as a set of fictional stories (and the odd, inaccurate historical event) that we can draw conclusions and morals from to better ourselves personally by. But what these people do is ridiculous. Taking the bible at face value?

They intentionally pick fights with people that have a ton of publicity to attention whore themselves to a wider audience they hope to brainwash and make money off of. I wonder what kind of shit they put in their kool-aid at club meetings to give them so much sand in their vaginas? Steroids and ritalin?

These people picket the deaths of soldiers. Why not picket the asshole government necessitating soldiers in the first place, dumbasses? If you're on such a 'holy crusade,' why not target the very people perpetuating all the war, and greed, and murder, and vanity instead of playing right into their divisional tactics and attacking their slaves? The tactics designed to keep the working class at each others throats, too busy to figure out they're literal slaves unaware of the massive pile of shit they're currently stepping in. A pile so deep, you could say they are bathing, swimming in this pile of sour, maggot-ridden diarrhea on the daily?

They picketed the funeral of Ronnie James Dio. Dio was making music since the 50's. His earliest work predated the Beatles. He fronted Black Sabbath, Rainbow (a band with Deep Purple guitarist Ritchie Blackmore), Elf, and other projects. He brought the rock-on hand gesture to the mainstream before the illuminati did. His voice was so powerful, his whisper would drown out that entire choir singing in the video above. 

In short, you DON'T picket peoples funerals, especially not the grandfather of Heavy Metal. Good Heavy Metal is one of the last forms of pure rebellion. I have a very poor, hateful taste in humor, as you can see from this blog. But I have respect. I wouldn't go to Lil Wayne's funeral tripping on acid with a jambox cranking Iron Maiden for three reasons.

1) I wouldn't want to get shot.
2) I do not have the funds necessary to make such a trip, should he perish.
3) I wouldn't disrespect someone who couldn't fight back, or the family of someone who JUST FUCKING DIED.

There's a certain wink and nudge I feel one needs to perform when expressing an unpopular opinion. These people are not only spineless, but they don't have the eyelids or arms necessary to wink or nudge. They are some of the scummiest fucking shitheads on the entire planet. Try to enjoy your freedom of speech, assholes, because the way things are going we're all gonna get thrown into camps by the end of the year. The only good thing to come from Martial Law is THESE idiots might actually shut the fuck up for a change.

Now I'm going to break off from my normal article here, to note that everything above and below this paragraph was actually written in early May, 2012. It has laid dormant as a draft since then, but I decided to release all my old drafts in December, and have been dropping them in between fresh updates for a few weeks. The point is, that since writing this article, there have been a number of shootings, including one that took place in a Newtown, Connecticut middle school. Young children were murdered, according to the mainstream media (and according to conspiracy theory websites the entire thing is a staged false-flag, so who knows at this point) and Westboro Baptist Church actually picketed at the funeral of the 6 year olds murdered in that shooting. How fucked up can you get? The Westboro Baptist Church are so morally reprehensible, they actually offend the KKK, Nazis, Greshtiffoorapeulessians, and Sweet Funky Freedom. I mean, damn....if you're gonna offend any of THOSE entities, you should probably send a bullet through your own brain. But I digress....now back to your regularly scheduled "Sweet Funky Freedom circa May 2012" programming:


 This might be the worst music video ever. "Look how quirky we are! Look at it! LOOK AT IT!" And the song itself is also pretty high on my list of unforgivably shitty music. This is coming from a musician who thinks whistling is an under-utilized art as forgotten and abused as the kazoo.

All those annoying fucking facial expressions make me want to invent a time machine just so I could go back in time and curb-stomp the band as babies. And those vocal hooks and melodic inflections? It sounds like the semi-melodic equivalent of nails on a chalkboard coupled with the distant screams of a dying rape victim.

The worst part is, these guys can throw down some pretty crazy jams live, believe it or not. They're very talented and accomplished musicians....when they aren't being trendy hipster douche-bags. (But I guess that's easy when you have 37 band members.
(Only 3 of which get any screen time in the shitty music video.) Shit, I can't even find a bassist and drummer for a power trio project...what the fuck? Maybe I should try being more 'quirky' and less cynical.) So while the whole presentation of that track is both visually and audibly horrific to the senses, the real issue is it's a surprising waste of talent from a group of smarmy snobs trying to look and sound 'artsy.'

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