Sunday, January 13, 2013

Fuck Hangovers (Sweet Funky Retro Freedom)


Hangovers are terrible. They are an unnecessary burden after a night of having fun. It's like fucking the most gorgeous girl you've ever met...and finding out she has herpes. Or used to have a dick.

Being Irish, it should be obvious I love my whiskey. Whiskey in particular is my favorite alcoholic beverage. But when two big bottles of whiskey are killed between 5 people in the space of about an hour, it some times leads to an unfortunately harsh hangover the next day...namely, how I felt all day many moons ago, one fateful Saturday, back in April of 2012 when I originally wrote this article.

Fuck hangovers. Hangovers should occur only while one is still drunk, because it wouldn't be nearly as bothersome or noticeable, because you'd be too drunk to care.

And if anything, the MORE you drink, the LESS hungover you should be the next day. Pussies who can only drink a beer and a half and a wine cooler before passing out with their shoes on, thus getting dicks drawn all over them with sharpies from their asshole friends.....they should be the ones that puke for hours the next day with a headache that feels like a concussion, as a punishment for having no spine or tolerance for alcohol.

Champs who drink 2 full handles to the dome-piece over the course of 14 minutes with a couple friends? Those are the drunks who should wake up in the company of naked, beautiful women covered in dried chocolate syrup, rolled up $100 bills and empty coke bags scattered across the room.

All that drinking talk aside, give me a joint or packed bong over alcohol any day of the week. In fact, the world would be a far more tolerable place if everyone was too busy getting stoned to get drunk.

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