Sunday, January 20, 2013

{Entrapment} + Troll Hunting (Part 10)

Look at this. LOOK AT IT!

Remember how I made a joke about undercover cops on Facebook using pictures of hot college girls so they can spy on Facebook users? Oh, you don't? Well the article is called "People You May Know." And it's entirely relevant to this very article you are now reading, because clearly that's what this is - an undercover cop trying to prey on law-breaking Facebook users. Only the pig-cop who made this profile used the picture of some 13 year old to specifically target pedos, instead of a supple college aged girl like most of them tend to use.

What are cops doing on Facebook, you may ask? Well, my generation and the ones under it are actually retarded enough to gloat about crimes they've committed and illegal activities they partake in on Facebook. See, when I brag about this kind of thing, since I'm (semi) intelligent, I surround the illegal activity I actually DID DO with a bunch of bullshit to throw off the pigs. Example:
 


Clearly I didn't do ALL these things, so the undercover pigs on Facebook will assume I'm just making shit up. But anyone who really knows me knows that I did partake in at least one of these illegal activies, it usually being whatever activity is of the infant murdering variety.

But I do this for entertainment purposes. I'm not trying to be hip. I'm not trying to be cutting edge, or edgy. I'm not trying to cross the line or go over the edge. I'm not trying to actually be the wrestler Edge. I'm certainly not doing it to look cool, either. You think posting something like that is affable to regular people?

They scoffed and turned their noses up at me when I posted anything insightful or philosophical. The second you start using grammar above a 7th grade level people will start accusing you of "trying to sound smart." Excuse me for expanding my vocabulary and attempting to come across as educated in my speech. God forbid every person in the entire fucking world isn't sucking the tit of stupidity these days. I'm not gonna dumb down my rhetoric just so you don't feel intellectually inferior because you're intimidated by any words with more than 2 syllables. Grab a dictionary or go on rhymezone.com and look up the definitions. LEARN SOMETHING. And turn on spell check, for fucks sake. You think I even attempt to spell shit right anymore? Hell no. Every 20th word is misspelled because of how fast I type this crap out. Spell check has my back, even if I keep having to add legitimate words to the dictionary it doesn't recognize. And these people surely don't like when I post jokes about sports teams losing either.

 That kid actually deleted me over that comment. So I did what any rational troll hunter would do, and sent him a message along the lines of "LOL, you blocked me over that? Butthurt much? BLOCKED BITCH!" Now he can't even answer me back, which must be psychologically raping him on multiple levels. Although, he does work at WAAF, according to his Facebook, so maybe he's used to being psychologically raped on a daily basis. (Or 5 days out of the week, whatever.) Here's a comparison shot of me and Aragorn.

 


My point is, I'm not posting these illegal activities to get nods of approval and people whispering in hushed voices, "Holy fuck, Jon of the Shred a badass." I'm doing it to lose respect, to weed out all the people from my Facebook who lack a sense of humor.

Now the people that legitimately brag about crimes they committed to look bad-ass on Facebook? THOSE are the people who should either read a couple dozen books - or be sterilized for the good of the planet. And THOSE are the people undercover cops attempt to trick on Facebook when they use pictures of college girls so they can monitor their status updates, which brings us back to Little Miss Jailbait.

Let's read what people have to say about "her" picture.........


I'm gonna stop myself there, and break down each reaction to the picture. Let's begin, shall we?

LG writes: "how old is she"
Well, LG, apparently she is at that age where you feel like a pedophile for biting your lower lip when looking at a picture of her in a bikini. And although you didn't outright claim you would rape her, it is implied that you LIKE WHAT YOU SEE when you are asking how old she is before mouthing off with some generic Facebook compliment. Look on the bright side, though, you likely aren't going to get arrested for the simple implication.

WV replies: "OMG who cares! She's fuckin gorgeous!"
WV, you creepy pedophile bastard! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I BET YOU DRIVE AROUND IN A WINDOWLESS VAN FILLED WITH MALNOURISHED PUPPIES AND BAGS OF HALLOWEEN CANDY FROM 2009.
Bearing this in mind (the windowless van full of malnourished puppies and expired candy, aka 'Child Bait') I suggest you check out my article "1993 Was A Good Year." Seems to be right up your alley. 

AF retorts with: "13"
I'm not sure where he's getting his number / figures / information from, but that seems about right, judging from the picture and all the set pieces in the background of the picture. Do I see Fisher Price toys in the background?

CW mumbles: "wow"
World of Warcraft?

MB shouts: "OMG! So beautiful!"
Of course we're all thinking that, MB, but you can't just say it out loud. Do you have AF blocked, or something? Or did you disregard the fact he mentioned she was only 13 years old?!

FD muses: "As a father of two girls, something is rong with u people!"
I agree, FD. While these people have every right to feel sexually turned on by a minor, voicing these feelings (or attempting to act on them anywhere besides the internet) is definitely socially unacceptable. Clearly they need to start using .Tor and find kiddie porn on the Deep Web, instead of bragging about how hot 13 year old girls are on undercover police officers fake Facebook pages.

BT chimes in: "She is a teen for sure"
Startling observation, BT. Now get a second last name that starts with a 'K' and start murdering people, so that a serial killer can exist called the "BTK2 Killer." Sounds like a sports game for Playstation or some shit.

 
SM adds: "love that fiji water"
Do you love that Fiji water, SM? Really now? Overpriced, hip, trendy Fiji Water? Or do you just love looking at little girls? Pervert!

DC retorts: "OMG THEY MUST BE MISSING YOU IN HEAVEN"
OMG, YOUR KEYBOARD MUST BE MISSING A CAPS LOCK KEY. AND IT'S STUCK TO PERMANENTLY ON.
 Also, DC, read in the wrong context, your comment could very well be construed as a threat. Are you suggesting you will send this young 13 year old lady to Heaven yourself, DC? This is an undercover cop, remember? It's probably best you don't threaten murder to an undercover police officer scouting Facebook for pimply faced arsens and overweight child predators.
Also, FUCK DC, Marvel was always better.

BPM states: "Ummm, yeah. fake as Pam Andersons teets. Another lame attempt at entrapment. Yea , this beautiful ( oh and underage chick ) has a small handful of friends..and let's any derelict be her friend, has a profile and pics that make zero sense.....Geezez y'all are easy targets. You know how many under covers are on FBnow?? Thousands trying to catch pedophiles , pot growers , locations for illegal events etc. Take the blinders off , grab handful of tissues...play 1 , 2.....here comes the glue--- and then take yourself off her list. Dum dum dum dum duuuuuum!"
I really dig the way you started your little tirade with a little bit of Lumbergh, BPM. Awesome touch of comedic smarminess.
I've pretty much decided to not even evaluate the performance of your comment further. You were an asset to that Facebook conversation, and you should continue to speak the truth out loud, blatantly, with little regard for your own safety. (Clearly pointing this type of thing out on Facebook might raise a few People's Eyebrows or get you on a Gang Stalkers list. But like me, I think you're too bad-ass to even give a fuck if that ever happens.)

Also, gotta give you even more props, BPM. The fact that you control the rhythm and tempo of music simultaneously is epic, bro. And you are literally the only aspect of music theory a DJ attempts to learn. (Beats Per Minute) Thank you, BPM.

 Jon of the Shred joins the verbal foray with: "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlN3oEjMpUQ"
 Oh wait, that was me. And I remember posting....
So then some guy chimes in with a foreign dialect, followed by a second person typing in a foreign tongue (that doesn't make sense), and then......silence. All remains quiet, and all remains still. For over a month, no one else has anything to add....until....

  
MK bringing it BACK from the dead. That was an ultra bump, pal! You saying you're "House bricking Mike" was too much for me to resist. I just had to one-up you and say "I am pipe laying Jon." But then you went on to say "No I am house brocking mike." At which point, I had to reiterate that "I am still pipe laying Jon."

Again...silence for another hour....UNTIL.....I post this article on that page and see the hilarity and chaos and hilarious chaos that ensues.


UPDATE (15 SECONDS LATER): Ok, now we're cooking with gasoline.

 

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If you should strike me down I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.