Monday, December 31, 2012

Proof EDM is RETARDED

The last track I made of 2012 is EDM satire. It's called 

Sometimes I Get A Good Feeling....But Not Often (Bootleg Remix Mashup Extended Epic Party Mix)
(Pretty Lights vs AVICII vs FloRida vs FUCK YOU)


Here's the video:

 

And here's the soundcloud link:

https://soundcloud.com/jonoftheshred/sometimes-i-get-a-good-feeling


Now if you go to that soundcloud link, you will notice a few things. First, the genre is called "THIS SAMPLE FUCKING SUCKS." Secondly, I blatantly state in the description the entire track is satire. Thirdly, all the tags are making fun of the track itself.


 How did 45 people like this on Facebook? Really? I appreciate the support, I do, but I'm just wondering how many people "liked" it because they got the joke, and how many Liked it because they generally thought it was a good production. This satirical track, that literally took me 3 minutes to make - less time than the entire length of the track - is getting positive feedback. A song that took me LESS TIME TO MAKE THAN IT TAKES TO LISTEN TO, has gotten 45 likes on Facebook. What. The. FUCK?!

This is exactly what I've been talking about in a huge percentage of these rants - standards are getting so low, people are becoming so overly politically correct, that any form of legitimate criticism is extinct, and 99% of the time you see someone criticize something it's from a state of jealousy and bitterness. The bar has been moved far too low. I mean seriously, look at thse comments.....




 There is literally zero twists in the track. It's all just lifted from other artists, and thrown sloppily together to sound as crappy as possible.



 Brilliant? C'mon, Rawwr! and Cr00k, you damn well know I make better music than this.


 Innovative? There is literally nothing in this track that is fresh or innovative. I cut up sections of three different tracks that share the same sample, and lazily threw them together in Mixcraft in 3 minutes time. It's not on-tempo, it's off beat, it sounds like shit. I created this song by hitting CTRL+C and CTRL+V, and dragging bootlegged samples with my mouse. THAT IS IT. I didn't perform a single note, I didn't program a single glitch, or sing a single word. I even intentionally drop the Etta James sample over itself dozens of times so it sounds like complete noise at several points in the track, and people are calling this "Fresh all the way?" This is proof that it's impossible to tell how much work a 'remixer' or 'bootlegger' is actually putting into a track. This track is 3 minutes work, and people are impressed.

(Insert Professor Farnsworth "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" meme here.)





The idea that a satirical, anti-EDM song that is intentionally bad and as cookie-cutter as possible is a pretty cool idea for a mashup, IMO. But it's not "good work" at all - it's intentionally BAD work.
 


Well apparently your brother is fucking retarded and has no taste. But it's all good, because Futuristik has some pretty badass music. Clearly the talent in the family all went to you, dude.


That's just the thing, it DOESN'T work. But it works on not working, so if you caught the joke, I agree - the JOKE worked. The BOOTLEG MASH-UP DIDN'T work, because I never intended it to work. Kind of like all products made after the 90's - shit is built to intentionally break, so we keep wasting money on more pointless shit.

My Super Nintendo is almost as old as I am, and my N64 is getting up there as well. Both still work great. But X-Box and X-Box 360? I have several friends who owned those systems, and 100% of them got a "Red Ring of Death" at some point. Shit isn't built to last anymore. And apparently, according to the feedback I'm getting on this track, music isn't built to innovate, either - it's just built to be as cookie-cutter and generic as possible.


  
Kiko is but a 19 year old girl, so I don't expect her to have good taste. Plus, she's kinda hot, so I don't want her to get the impression I'm opposed to the idea of hanging out if I ever end up in the UK. You get a mulligan, Kiko!



That "good feeling" you're describing is the musical equivalent of getting blown by a tranny. Sure, it looks like a woman and feels damn good on your weiner, but once you find out the truth that she's working with a bit more down stairs than you originally realized that "good feeling" will quickly dissipate and turn into feelings of guilt, depression, and self-loathing.




Really good? Nice flow of transitions? I did everything I could in 3 minutes time to make this track sound as sloppy and disjointed as possible, and people are praising it like it's the fucking Glitch Mob or something. I give them all the benefit of the doubt, only because:



1) Most of these people are talented producers themselves.
2) They've probably heard my actual music before, didn't actually listen to the song, just assumed it was yet another "Jon of the Shred" masterpiece and commented accordingly.

But if that is NOT the case, then let this article stand as proof that most EDM is fucking retarded and literally takes no effort. Think about it - music is so half-assed these days, people couldn't even tell this track was satire. Even with the description...and tags...and genre name....and track title....and intentionally bad transitions....and intentionally off-tempo samples....and music video with pictures of Paris Hilton DJing and equipment that lets people DJ with I-pods....and they STILL can't figure out this is a joke. That's how piss poor most EDM really is.



This article is proof that standards in music are way too low these days, that people can literally PUSH BUTTONS and impress talented producers. There is literally no way of telling how much of an EDM track is actually an original production. You can rip someones song off and add a single sound effect
at the end of each bar, like a clap effect, and all the sudden it's a "remix bootleg mashup epic party mix." I'm not saying there aren't talented remixers and mash-uppers out there, but Jesus Christ, people. Get some fucking standards. Especially considering most of the people commenting, depicted in the images above, are very talented producers themselves. Those are all my niggas from CKers, and they're cool people. But they're either being dishonest and kissing my ass, didn't listen to the track and assumed it was good because my name was attached, or just have relatively low standards in electronic dance music.

Now a lot of people will say, "Sweet Funky Freedom, why are you always bitching about DJs and EDM music so much? Why don't you try DJing if it's so easy?!" Well casual reader that refer to me by the name of my blog - I choose NOT to DJ. I choose instead to actually compose actual music, so that actual GOOD EDM can be an actual actuality. Just because my track has actual instrumentation in it - actual guitar playing, actual bass playing, all electronic elements actually performed on an actual keyboard as opposed to lifted from a sample - doesn't mean the track isn't actually EDM. It's just actually better EDM than lazily DJing someone elses stuff. So that's why people can't accept the EDM I make is EDM - it's too good to be lumped in with button pushers, knob twisters, and sample jockeys.

"Ok, Sweet Funky Freedom, so you like what you call 'good' EDM. We get it. You have high standards. But why don't you just let the shitty DJs and shitty musicians and all the shitty producers live in peace? Why does it bother you they make crappy music? Why do you feel the need to attack them and be an asshole?"

I have perfectly good reasons for attacking these cookie cutter hacks and coming across as an asshole. Top 40 DJs are the reason musicians like me cannot get paid to make music. Standards in music are SO LOW in music right now, that some asshole who pushes a few buttons on $1000 worth of equipment gets paid the cost of his equipment every 45 minute gig he fists pumps his way through. I know, because I've DJed several times. And it ALWAYS made me more money than actually playing a show, actually demonstrating ACTUAL TALENT. DJs are entertainers - not musicians. There's a world of difference.

So me attacking EDM, and crappy DJs, and cookie-cutter musicians, and assholes with an inflated sense of purpose like Rage Against the Machine and Green Day - is my rallying cry for truly talented musician
s, DJs, MCs, and other entertainers to stop letting this shit slide. I am literally changing the world with my graceful words of wisdom. And this is just a side-project. What the fuck are YOU doing with your time? Getting pissed at satire articles on a blog? Grow up, grow a pair, and grow some talented. Before I grow fully erect and skull-fuck you into 2013.

Let me explain it really simply for you, paint a picture of what I, as a multi-instrumentalist, face in this so called 'music' industry....

If
you're in a band, you are asked by the bar you're playing at, "How many people are you going to bring?" As a musician, you only get paid off the head count at the door. So instead of the bar attempting to promote good music, and hire worthy entertainment for their regulars....instead of hiring musicians and paying them appropriately for the time and effort it took them to learn their instrument.....they expect to instead rip-off bands and get a free performance out of them. Musicians that put decades of their life into honing their craft - and they don't even get a base pay. They'll get, at best, a small cut off the door. They expect the band to do the promotion, to flyer for the show, to harass their friends and family to go see them play live. They expect the bands to bring in the customers, so they can make money off the watered down booze they serve in their crappy, half-assed establishments. And then they don't even let the bands eat and drink for free.

In short, musicians and bands get treated like absolute dog shit. MEANWHILE.....
....DJs are getting a base pay of at least a few hundred bucks, and rarely do people that consider themselves "DJs" have any actual type of actual skill. DJing is not hard; I've mentioned this before, and I'll mention it again. DJs make more money, get more pussy, get more credit, get treated better by bars, and still.....for SOME odd reason....DJs get pissed off when actual musicians with actual talent aren't actually licking their figurative balls for being an 'actual' DJ. They expect everyone to kiss their fucking ass because they can push a few buttons and
act like a jackass on stage for an hour and half, rolling tits on ecstacy and fist pimping the air like it owes them money. DJs need to get off their high horses and appreciate what they have. Namely, a dead-simple profession that earns them unwarranted respect and keeps meals off the table of starving musicians with more talent in their pinky fingers than the entire lineup at Ultra Music Festival. BE GRATEFUL YOU MAKE MONEY FOR DOING NOTHING! EMBRACE YOUR MEDIOCRITY! Stop expecting musicians like myself to give you unnecessary props when you're literally making it harder for us to get paid.

And go ahead, call me an asshole, say I'm out of my element, Jonny. But I'll tell you what - I can back up what I fucking say. If this article offends you, go and listen to my music, then come back to me and honestly critique my work. It isn't perfect, obviously. And I'll definitely come across as an arrogant prick saying this, but I literally do not personally know a single person that is a more accomplished composer than me. I know better guitarists, better pianists, better producers. But I do not personally know a single person who can craft music as ridiculous as mine. And that's because when I make music, I MAKE THE MUSIC I WISH OTHER PEOPLE WERE MAKING. I'm trying to raise the bar. I'm actively trying to make innovative and fresh music.



So at the expense of sounding like an egotistical douchebag, which I've become very good at since starting this blog...MY MUSIC IS BETTER THAN YOURS. PROVE ME WRONG, SHITHEADS. JUST GO AHEAD AND TRY. Because I'm only one person, and you have multiple members. I'm just a single loser with enough time on my hands to record songs 100-tracks deep. All the rest of you composers, on the other hand, probably have friends, spouses, and rich social lives that keeps you too busy to focus as much time on your music as I do. But me? I ain't got none of that shit. So I have all the time in the world to sit around in a bathrobe making music that will likely never be heard.
Unless it's getting ripped off on episodes of the Walking Dead.


So yes, I tend to attack what I feel are cookie-cutter and hack artists / musicians / DJs / MCs. And I do it because the people with actual talent aren't making a dime. I know at least 100 bands, DJs, MCs, and musicians that deserve to be making money for their craft, but instead, some hacks that can't play more than 4 chords or write an original riff to save their life are making all the dough.
..all because standards are so fucking low, shit like Lil Wayne and Justin Beiber is culturally acceptable. If I need to inflate my ego into a large, makeshift dartboard and float it in the air while everyone I know throws darts of judgement at it, hopping it pops, so be it. I'm willing to tarnish my already terrible reputation and carry on like a raving lunatic for the sake of music.

Low standards in music offends me. It literally offends me. So excuse me for being offended that my ability to play 15 instruments is
trumped by some asshole who literally buys respect with expensive equipment a 10 year old could master in a week. I must have forgot - DJs deserve more than just fame, recognition, all the women, free drugs, and all the gigs - they deserve respect from people with actual talent, too.

Here, let me express my eternal gratitude
to you button pushers who are too afraid to pick up an actual instrument or compose a single original note....by crafting an EDM parody that arguably debunks the legitimacy of the entire genre / DJing art form.


 

Happy New Years, bitches.

7 comments:

  1. I just went through my 3rd xbox and I started a year after launch... diddnt bother with the track you made either

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good choice, you chose the high road and avoided having your ear-canals raped. It's only the most over-used sample in music in the past 10 years. No need to subject yourself to that again.

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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  3. I can so relate to your angriness about how DJs are treated so much better than musicians are, though DJs (most of the time) have none of the skills and dedication of actual musicians. I think you'd kinda hate me, because I actually recently gave up making my own music, and took on DJing... because it actually pays, and it's far easier to find gigs as DJ. I've been making my own music for 35 years... but at 50 I decided to throw the towel. Good luck to you. I mean it :-)

    ReplyDelete
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