Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Cultural Skid-marks

Certain "items" in pop-culture hit the ground running, gathering a cult-like herd of sheep believers in very short increments of time. This phenomena is usually referred to as "cultural diarrhea." Much like actual diarrhea, the average person may be satisfied with cultural diarrhea at first....its great to get rid of that horrible "diarrhea stomach-ache" that lasts about 15 minutes - you all know what I'm talking about....the mess afterwards is a bitch to clean. Cultural diarrhea is the same way - the people who love the general impact will eventually realize the error of their ways.

For example.....herds of sheep randomly celebrated Nicki Minaj, giving her an almost instantaneous rise to the top of the charts. After 3 years of her making over-the-top facial expressions that make me want to kick her in the face repeatedly and force-fuck her mouth....after 3 torturous years of this cunt rapping in that horrible "Sassy Chipmunk On Crystal Meth" voice, dumbing down her huge fanbase...the sheep eventually realized their mistake; they finally got a whiff of the skid-mark she's leaving on the figurative underpants of culture.

 "Hey, Nicki is just a shitty Lady Gaga, who is just a shitty Madonna with a penis. What's going on here?!" 

But it's too late - Nicki Minaj, Lady Gaga, Madonna.... they're all permanent societal skid-marks, a constant reminder to the blind and deaf masses of their stupidity. Sure, the skid-marks smell something fierce...but they do nothing to slow the increasingly swifter descent of peoples standards. It's a race to the bottom, and everyone's winning.

That graph is just a handful of skid-marks among thousands from throughout history. The unwashed cultural underpants gets dozens more fresh skid-marks every year. Justin Beiber, Lil Wayne, Lady Gaga, Gangnam Style, the entire Trap music genre, Big Bang Theory, Dancing With the Stars, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, Pawn Stars....the collective intellect of the masses is constantly under attack. Here's a Venn diagram to fill up space without accomplishing much of anything.
While cultural skid-marks come in many different forms, the common theme that loosely binds them all is the lack of quality these skid-marks permeate. So when one of these cultural items gets immediate critical acclaim without actually deserving the heaps of praise it is receiving, cynics like myself will be burdened with the task of pointing out to the sheep, "Hey guys...that's just a fucking skid-mark. Relax. And stop giving it money, or it's never going to wash out."

I'm not saying that every cultural landmark that jumps immediately into the public eye is low-quality by default. I'm just saying, a hard-fought battle for publicity is usually a sign of artistic merit. The mainstream generally panders to the lowest common denominater, so when something of quality and depth is created, it usually takes time to float to the top of the cultural cesspool. And that's only if it doesn't get ensnared on a branch along the way, getting stuck in semi-successful mediocrity while the rest of the undeserving cultural turds float to the top.

I'm just saying, in a world of Limp Bizkits and Linkin Parks, there's enough shit to circulate to the masses for decades. When such a low percentage of cultural staples have any actual quality, it leaves the masses feeling confused and violated. They jump from fad to fad, never really resonating with any of the mindless drivel they've isolated from the shit-stream of media we're all expected to wade in. These people are just constantly riding the trend wagon.

  Immediate success catches people completely off-guard. While most are swept up in the media hype, there's a group of people who try to warn everyone of their mistakes. "You MUST listen to me, captain, YOU MUST LISTEN! The Dark Knight was horrible film-making! That movie sucked! If you fall for the media hype, you give the Illuminati the false impression their ritualistic sacrifice of Heath Ledger actually worked, and they'll continue producing the same garbage that uses 'realism' as an excuse for boring, unimaginative film-making! And stop watching the Big Bang Theory, too, that show is fucking terrible. Not only are its nerd references wrong half the time, but the flamboyant and faggy portrayal of nerds on that show are off-base and offensive. The show is the black-face of geeks."

The lifespan of cultural diarrhea is different in every incidence, but the current by which this diarrhea is influenced as it flows in the river of mainstream consciousness is usually the same.

Cultural Skid-marks are not only ignored for years, but the detractors and whistle-blowers exposing these skid-marks for the shitty, cookie-cutter, generic shit it really is are ostracized for pointing it out. People take personal offense because they feel their tastes are now under scrutiny from someone with a different opinion than their own. While it's not necessary to inform the Avenged Sevenfold fan they should probably be listening to Iron Maiden and Judas Priest instead, it feels wrong not to tell them how shitty A7X is in comparison.

Cultural Skid-marks are the norm. Meanwhile, every time someone tries to raise peoples standards or question the celebration of ignorance in popular culture, they retire early, get attacked by the media for speaking out, and many die mysterious deaths at a young age. Bill Hicks put it better than I could ever hope to:


  1. Oh boy. Another "pop culture sucks unless it's Bill Hicks". Fuck Bill Hicks and fuck George Carlin as well. At least all the other celebrities can actually have fun and not be cynical.

    I'm a grouchy asshole tonight so fuck me. LOL!

    1. You forgot about Doug Stanhope. And Trey Parker and Matt Stone


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