Sunday, November 18, 2012

Troll Hunting (Part1) + My Issues With New Agers

Troll Hunting never goes out of season.

Oh no, it never goes out of season. Certainly not so when a vast majority of these trolls are too novice at the craft to realize what the true purpose of rustling jimmies is.

Look back to some of the greatest trolls in history. Frank Zappa, Bill Hicks, George Carlin, Douglas Adams, John Lennon, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Bob Marley, and countless others. Their intentions were just, their messages poignant and impassioned. Each of these trolls offered their own unique brand of jimmie rustling. Some trolled the establishment. Others troll societal norms. But the common theme was they were rustling peoples jimmies to open peoples minds.

While some might consider some of the more cynical people on that list, like Bill Hicks, George Carlin, and Frank Zappa "Pathological Artists," I would disagree. While I can understand why a message is more difficult to relate to when it is shared with passionate vitriol, you must understand this deep-rooted cynicism is merely a direct result of the watered-down intellectualism and spirituality of the mainstream culture they were rebelling against.

Think of it like this: if you need to get your stomach pumped, it's not going to be a pleasant experience. The cynicism, vulgarity, and public apathy utilized by these trolls acted as an antibody to the stupidity, naivete, and political correctness plaguing the landscape. They were weapons that needed to be brandished. Weapons that are needed even more today, as the influence of political correctness spirals out of control, turning society into a cesspool of masked feelings, manipulative tendencies, bottled emotions, lowered standards, and false optimism. I would rather deal with a dozen blunt douchebags that speak their minds too loudly than even 1 sneaky cunt that stabs everyone in the back and spreads rumors, or 1 soulless New-Ager who took their research far too literally, losing their personality in the process.

Evil comes in many extremes and variations, as does good. A lot of the people that choose not to embrace their 'ego' and their negative qualities end up shedding their individuality entirely. In other words, they're losing more than just their 'negative' traits - they're losing a substantial chunk of their personality as well.

Ever notice how so many of the people who attempt to "abandon their ego" end up becoming creepy, humorless, almost soulless New Age caricature that constantly spout pseudo-scientific ramblings? Never wavering from their attempt at becoming "one with the universe" and seeking enlightenment, these people ignore comedy altogether dodging punchlines like a featherweight and dishing out jab after jab about 'chakras' and 'energy.'

And while I agree with so many of their points and morals...while I respect their spirituality, patience, and good-natured intentions, their message and purpose...I cannot also help but feel sad for them. They've forgotten how to have fun, and arguably have abandoned the variety of emotions necessary to fully experience and appreciate life and existence.

If you choose to shed your ego in order to stand up for freedom, human advancement, and peace on Earth, good for you, I say. But the second you start turning your enlightened nose up at everyone that choose a different path....people like me, who decided to exaggerate the ego to undermine its importance....then you really start coming across like know-it-all tree hugger. Get a sense of humor, guys! Don't lose your soul in a quest to prove you have so much of it.

It's like the idiots who read this blog and go, "Woah, this guy is so unhappy! What a negative vibration he's releasing into the world!" Grow a pair, and get a sense of humor. I'm not gonna lie and
say I'm 100% satisfied with everything in my life. I'm not gonna post status about how grateful I am and how happy I am three times a day to ensure people I'm not on the brink of insanity. I'm making music, writing comedy, and have two jobs to jump between - aside from being single and not knowing any sluts to nail, I'm pretty content. Stop dodging the punchlines and assuming all satirists or social commentators are "brooding entities feeding off negative energy." Maybe.....just maybe.....we're actually having fun.

Above all else, just remember...stay gold, Ponyboy.
Even if it means taking a golden shower or two.



  1. I love this article. It reminds me of all the dipshits that believe in the Law of Attraction. We aren't fucking vibrating at any frequency assholes! Every single time somebody has explained the Law of Attraction to me, they also gave a bunch of excuses as to why it won't work, including "having a big ego, not wishing to help humanity as a whole, and not trying enough". You know why it really doesn't fucking work? Because it isn't fucking real.

    Thanks for letting me rant.

  2. And by the way, that's a kickass Mario banner you got there.

  3. Had a lot of fun making that Mario banner - all six hours it took to make haha

    Yea, I have a lot of friends that are into the New Age stuff, people in the hippie scene. I agree with a lot of their morals, but like I said in the article...there's no reason to lose your soul in the attempt to prove you have so much of it.


If you should strike me down I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.