Saturday, November 24, 2012

Lil Wayne is the Jar Jar Binks of Hip Hop (Sweet Funky Retro Freedom)

I don't even care if it's completely true. I STOPPED LIL WAYNE. I killed his career, with a single message (spammed dozens of times) to his facebook.

"Lil Wayne is a figurative anti-christ of the human spirit. He is a cancer to our culture, intellect, and spiritual well-being. It is said that every time someone listens to a Lil Wayne angel loses its wings.

I can't fathom the popularity this hack has amassed over his career; it is both mentally and physically taxing for me to acknowledge the amount of success he has achieved. It's like getting a brain freeze right after getting a concussion, except listening to Lil Wayne makes one lose even more brain cells in a far more efficient fashion.

Some times, I like to think Lil Wayne is actually a genius in disguise, that Lil Wayne is a lyrical wordsmith of the highest caliber, an entrepreneur of wit and creativity. But he looks at the world through tired eyes, and realizes that most of our species are too petty and unintelligent to understand the depth of his true message. So instead of writing lyrics with meaning and songs with this profound message, he gets high on cough syrup and trolls the music community, stumbling through wince-inducing freestyles that give no indication that the man has even the slightest grasp of rhythmic structure, how to stay on beat, effective voice deliver and projection, or anything above a 3rd grade vocabulary.

It is with great hope that this message inspires you, Lil Wayne, to stop making music, altogether, and for your fans to stop ingesting the poison you call music. For the good of future generations....for the future of all of our children, and their children, and their childrens children, I think the best course of action would be completely wiping any memory of Lil Wayne and his music off the face of the Earth.

Lil Wayne is but a cultural skidmark that NEEDS to be wiped clean."

A week after I spammed this all over his Facebook, he announced he was taking a break from rap to focus on skateboarding. I was fine with Lil Wayne ruining skateboarding - that shit is for fucking teenagers and assholes like Green Day. Let him ruin it. But this news is just great. Lil Wayne is quitting rap!

So in honor of Lil Wayne retiring from the genre of music he very nearly KILLED OFF, here's a list of Lil Wayne facts. Chuck Norris facts are old, and believe it or not they're even older than you think - they appeared probably 2 years earlier as "Vin Diesel" joke. I'm not fucking kidding, look that shit up. Chuck Norris facts are just a new paint job on the same old car....a car that happens to be the "Vin Diesel Fact" Express.

Lil Wayne has such terrible flow, rhythm, delivery, and lyrics he makes Vanilla Ice sound like Immortal Technique.

Lil Wayne and Jay Z paid off Suge Knight to kill Tupac and Biggie Smalls so they'd have less competition.

Lil Wayne is such a scumbag his excuse for being a shitty rapper with horrible rhythm is an addiction to cough medicine. Everyone knows classy people develop coke-problems, not an addiction to cough medicine. I drink fucking cough medicine when I can't find any pot and feel like being in a digital soup for 6 hours. It's not exactly something you like to do more than once a week. Once you hit 18 it's better utilized once or twice a year. Have a cold? Cure it with a psychedelic digital trip. That's about it. You fucking idiot.

 Listening to Lil Wayne gives you AIDs. And retarded.

Lil Wayne is so bad at music his music literally dumbs down the listener to a point where they actually take him and his 'message' seriously.

Lil Wayne is the leading cause in lung cancer.

Lil Wayne is the Jar Jar Binks of hip hop.

Wait a minute....

Lil the Jar Jar Binks...of hip hop.

Lil Wayne is the Jar Jar Binks of hip hop.

Lil Wayne is the Jar Jar Binks of hip hop.  
Lil Wayne is the fucking Jar Jar Binks of hip hop!

That's the best way you could possibly describe Lil Wayne.


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If you should strike me down I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.