Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Catch 4:22 (Issue #3)

You wouldn't believe some of the hilarious images I found in Google for "Shepard Volus." I decided to upload the most ridiculous of the images I found. Go ahead, try it yourself. (Just make sure "Safe Search" is off - that shit's for pussies.)

Anyone that purchased the Javik DLC knows him and Liara were always just moments away from banging. Javik was using the oldest trick in the book on her - treating her like shit. Bitches love getting treated like shit.

But enough of Javik deflowering the soft-spoken Shadow Broker. Let's move on to this hilarious image depicting Elcor rape....

Clearly this is depicting rape. That bitch is CHAINED TO THE FLOOR. I know what you're thinking. "Sweet Funky Freedom, bitches love getting choked! Who's to say they don't like chains too?" I know, that's 100% true. Of course classy ladies love getting choked. It's not something us guys ever set out to do, or a thought that even really crosses our minds at all. Especially when we're balls deep - if anything, 'I wanna choke this bitch' is a thought that could occur pretty much any other time, other than during sex. So when choking does go down during sex, it's something we are asked to do. The woman will always initiate the choking, with a cute and seemingly innocent request, a sly little smile on her slutty face. This request inevitably raises questions of my own that are never voiced in words, existing only to bounce around my subconscious. "How hard does this bitch want to be choked?" (Apply pressure, gauge reaction. Tighten / loosen grip, repeat; finish up, clean sheets, never call her again. Or...maybe call her just this one more time. Get naked, get balls deep, resume choking: Apply pressure, gauge reaction. Tighten / loosen grip, repeat.....)

So while choking isn't quite the staple of intimacy fresh-kissing, oral sex, and full penetration are, its popularity is pretty surprising. Bitches really do love getting choked. However,  whenever I've busted out the chains, most ladies start feeling self-conscious. The little whore begging to be choked and face fucked is now quivering like a soaking wet, 85 lb college cheerleader stuck outside in a blizzard. Well, besides the ladies with Borderline Personality Disorder; they love the chains. And that's why some times they're the funnest.

Mass Rapeffect doesn't stop there. They had this other "Rape Art" of female Shepard getting tag-teamed. In this second Mass Effect rape depiction I stumbled upon of the day, female Shepard is getting double-teamed by two greedy, greedy Volus.

 Then we got this inter-species lesbian orgy Garrus finagled his way into....

 ....because Garrus is fucking bad ass.

And this other one with the female convict named Jack....

 While these are pretty hilarious, they don't even come close to the Brave Little Toaster hentai I posted in an earlier article. That shit was just too ridiculous. It was unnecessary, unwarranted. It's far less surprising to run into Mass Effect porn when you've already conquered the mental demons "Brave Little Toaster Hentai" conjures up. Considering you can engage in all kinds of kinky alien sex in the game, it's not exactly shocking to see graphic depictions of these characters fucking on the internet.

The Air Conditioning unit from Brave Little Toaster sending a gust of wind to blow up a girls skirt? The master banging his spear-chucker girlfriend while all the creepy appliances watch from the doorway, beaming with amused grins? Way creepier than a blue alien chick taking the dick.

Here's probably the funniest I found of the bunch though:

 Every single weird, Mass Effect porno image I posted featured a signature. People were PROUD of their work. The funniest one of the bunch doesn't even have a tag. Kudos to you, sir. Well played.

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