Thursday, October 25, 2012

Voting is like setting yourself on fire, then pissing in the wind to put it out

Voting is like setting yourself on fire, and then pissing in the wind to put it out.

"Golly gee whiz, I get to pick ONE of the TWO choices to run the country further into the ground, you say?! Both of which are hand-picked puppet figureheads, bought and paid for by the very people with all actual power and influence?! Let me go buy 15 American Flags and erect them from various orifices in my body as I sing the Star Spangled Banner backwards in Latin."

I wonder when voting became obsolete? Obviously it wasn't an exact moment kind of thing. That's not what I'm suggesting. It had to have been gradual. Society didn't go from the invention of the automobile and television, directly to $4.00 a gallon for gas, Jersey Shore, and Honey Boo Boo. It wasn't like the Depression ended, and 3 weeks later girls weren't wearing bras and cops were pepper spraying puppies for sleeping too loud.

(Much like the Hitler mustache eyebrows a few articles back, I sincerely hope this is the first ever depiction of two Illuminati pyramids playing a game of POGs. And if not, at least its the first depiction of two Illuminati pyramids playing a game of POGS in front of an image of Waco burning. And if its not the first depiction of two Illuminati pyramids playing a game of POGs in front of an image of Waco burning, then fuck this shit, the Simpsons have done everything.)

As I was saying, obviously it wasn't a seamless transition. We didn't just immediately lose the right to vote after a casual game of pogs. From this guys extremely uneducated and increasingly indifferent perspective, I assume it went down something like this:

As the country grew and prospered, the solitary groups holding the most power started to form alliances, which essentially meant tolerating each others sickeningly evil auras so they could further their own agendas. 

I imagine this process looked something like this:

The groups soon realized their wallets had become so full, they could give politicians 'weekly allowances' to influence the law itself, both to protect themselves and to eliminate any enemies. This probably started on a local level, and expanded there to the state level. Flash forward 50 years, and presidents are now nothing more than a hologram - a hollow authority used to keep people vaguely invested in the idea they are free. A puppet either bought and paid for as they are campaigning, or perhaps groomed at a much younger point.

If for some convoluted cluster fuck of a reason a person got elected president that this secretive elite didn't want in office, they would see to it the new president elect saw things their way, first with money. If that didn't work, the aforementioned elite actually running the country (and, to an extent, a portion of the world beyond just a single country, I'm sure) sit the president down and tell him exactly what's going to happen if he keeps resisting their supremacy. The president is informed that he is now a pawn and will do exactly as he is told and if he doesn't, people on the History Channel will be dissecting his assassination and making fun of the rumored theory of a 3rd group of shooters from a mossy mound in less than a decades time.

 Then we get these ridiculous false flags to keep the stupider people invested in the president, like it's just some fucking reality show at this point. 

The only bribes that matter don't happen publicly, asshole. But of course you know're Donald Trump. Every conspiracy theorist out there damn well knows the whole Donald Trump vs. Obama thing is a horribly conceived false flag. These guys are probably giving each other rim jobs RIGHT NOW as Jay-Z films it while Kanye West sucks his dick and Michelle Obama rapes his asshole with her penis.

At this rate, by the year 2050, the president will be decided in a Hell in a Cell cage match, refereed by blindfolded midgets in ballerina outfits, as transvestite cheerleaders backflip off the turnbuckles into kiddie pools of raver vomit.

(Insert image of Hell in a Cell cage match refereed by blindfolded midgets in ballerina outfits as transvestite cheerleaders backflip off the turnbuckles into kiddie pools of raver vomit here)

You think we actually have a choice? You think voting matters? Then why are we only choosing between two people? WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ONLY CHOOSING BETWEEN TWO FUCKING PEOPLE?!?!

 Does no one else think it's completely ridiculous there's only TWO people to choose from? And not only that, but they must have specific political party affiliation in order for ballot inclusion eligibility? From wikipedia:

As of October 1, 2012 the United States had a total resident population of 314,648,000"

314,680,000 people and we're choosing between 2 candidates on a little slip of paper? 

Why is there even a need for a president? There should be a PRESIDENT for each state. Oh wait, that's congress, and they're all fucked up and corrupt for the most part too. How the fuck did we get into this mess? With absolutely no one in power who gives a shit about anyone but themselves? There's only one solution....  

Fuck voting - I say, cut out the middle man, and do whatever the fuck you want. Who gives a shit about what the law is? The people making laws broke laws to gain the authority to tell other people what to do, so FUCK THEM. Just make sure you don't hurt anyone else in the process of enjoying your freedom. And don't get caught doing anything 'illegal.'

Go steal cough medicine from a Wal-Mart so you can trip balls when you're pirating music and movies later on the internet. Go buy yourself a hooker and tell her those fake eerings that you stole (while stealing the cough medicine at Wal-Mart) are gold so she'll let you go in raw dog. Candy Hippy-Robo-Trip while Chasing the Speedballing Crack Dragon. (Just don't go in public in that mind-state.)

Vermin Supreme 2012, or anarchy. There is literally no other option.


  1. that whole donald trump shit was redic i just wrote about that in don't worry sonny i got a trump card

  2. I did read that, actually. It's righteous we can both comment on the same thing without sounding the same at all


If you should strike me down I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.