Sunday, September 23, 2012

Fuck Off, Green Day

Green Day are faggots. Fuck Green Day. Their music has always sucked, and they are hypocrites. Right, make an album called "American Idiot" when you're one of the bands directly responsible for dumbing people down with your shitty pop-punk, that makes a lot of sense. You make all your money here, then you insult the very people stupid enough to spend money on your shitty albums? You ungrateful cock-suckers.

I'm one of the first people to point out how fucking stupid most people are in this country. And how vapid, bland, generic, cookie-cutter, and trendy the entertainment industry is. It's not about talent, it's about money and social conditioning. I'm also one of the first to point out how everyone is more concerned with their popularity and their image than their intellect. Or how it took SIX full seasons for Jersey Shore to get cancelled.

The thing is, if I ever get mainstream success with my music, I'm not gonna dumb down my product and start playing 4-chord songs to remain successful. And not only that, but I'm actually from America. So I have more of a right to bash the idiocy here than Green Day does. Again, Green Days success is a direct result of the idiocy of America, so they're basically shooting their own career in the foot by making fun of the people stupid enough to buy their shitty albums.

Green Day are just a poor mans Sum 41, who were a poor mans Blink 182, who were a poor mans Leftover Crack.

Now usually when I make an update there is some relevance to what I'm saying. I like to tackle current events, much like an episode of South Park. It's not like I crafted a custom dartboard stocked with pictures of bands and celebrities I hate to decide what my next article is gonna be. I need to be reminded why something sucks, and then pick it apart accordingly.
 Damn, I might have to print that out and start selling them. Imagine the hours of fun that could be had throwing sharp objects into Kristen Stewarts face, or skewering the Rubblebucket logo. Or throwing a dart right into Kanye Wests eye, or up George W Bushes nose. But I'm getting off topic, here. Lets get back to Dreen Gay.

The reason I decided to direct my hatred towards Green Day, aside from their music sucking copious amounts of donkey balls, was an incident that took place two days ago, at the "iHeartRadio" music festival in Las Vegas.

Wait, what kind of fucking name for a festival is that? iHeartRadio? No spaces, and a lowercase i? Who honestly loves the radio? The radio is fucking horrible. I think the radio has, like 105 songs, collectively, between every station - they play the same shit over and over again. They even ruin perfectly good classic rock songs. I've heard "Horse With No Name" plenty of times, why not switch it up with some of their lesser known material, you jackasses? And if I hear "The Joker" by Steve Miller Band one more time I think I'm gonna burn down a hospital.

I'm getting off-topic again though...
Apparently, Green Days singer Billy Joe was on his period and was menstruating all over the stage. The blood flowing from his vagina was said to be full of sand and other small debris. I also heard rumors circulating that Lil Wayne slipped on the period blood and broke his neck shortly after Green Day went backstage to finger each others butt-holes. Ok, maybe Lil Wayne breaking his neck wasn't a rumor, but just wishful thinking on my part...but one can always hope, right? And Green Day fingering each others butt-holes was actually confirmed fact. Billy Joe calmed right down after the drummer was wrist deep in his anus.

Billy Joe is not to be confused by Billy Joel, by the way. Billy Joel is an actual musician with actual talent and actual good music. I'm sure he doesn't throw bitch fits and smash up his instruments to look cool, either.

"Fuck this shit. I'm gonna play a new fucking song, fuck this shit. Give me a fucking break, ONE minute left? One minute fucking left?! You're gonna fucking give me ONE MINUTE?!"

Yea, they're gonna give you one minute. That's more than you deserve, you cock sucker.

"There - look at that fucking sign right there, ONE MINUTE." 

We've established the amount of time left, brah. Wasting your time throwing a temper tantrum and saying "one minute" a dozen times is only wasting the one minute you have left, you fucking idiot. Shut the fuck up and play your shitty music to your shitty fans who have shitty taste.

"Let me fucking tell you something. Let me tell you something. I've been around since fucking nineteen fucking eighty eight." 

Hey, 1988, that's the year I was born! And despite being born the year YOU started playing music, my music still pisses ALL OVER yours! Hell, I do more in one song than you do in an entire album, you piece of shit hack.

"And you're gonna give me one fucking minute?!"  

Yea, one minute.....and likely tens of thousands of dollars to play your sophomoric, pre-school music. Quit fucking bitching, you've made millions off your music, and yet you barely know how to play your instrument. Meanwhile, I play 15 instruments I taught myself and have trouble making over $100 for a gig. You ungrateful, untalented asshole. There's thousands of musicians like me that would kill to have that one minute, to even make a fraction of the money you make for your generic pop punk tripe.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me! You're fucking kidding me! What the FUCK?! I'm not fucking Justin Beiber, you motherfuckers!"  

Who brought up Justin Beiber? What does Justin Beiber have to do with any of this, aside from being a more talented vocalist than you are, Billy Joe? Why do people feel the need to constantly bring Justin Beiber into conversations? Maybe if people shut the fuck up about Justin Beiber, we wouldn't have to hear about god damn Justin Beiber all the god damn time. Justin Beiber sucks, but continually talking about him only keeps him in the limelight longer. Just shut the fuck up about Justin Beiber, and maybe he'll go back to the gay bath-houses he was discovered in by Usher.

"You gotta be fucking joking. This is a fucking joke!" 

Yea, just like your music...a joke. Except, your music is an unfunny joke without a punchline, and your set getting cut short is actually pretty funny.

"I got one minute, one minute left, oh now I got nothing left, now I got nothing left. Let me show you what one fucking minute means."

The funny thing is, you smashing that guitar produces a more pleasant sound than when you are playing it.

"One minute. God fucking love you all. We'll be back."

Hopefully you WILL be back, Billy Joe...with broken limbs, black eyes, and internal bleeding. 

Now I found this article over at Bloody-Disgusting. WHY a horror movie website is posting articles on shitty pop-punk bands is beyond me...there are countless of bands that have actual horror themes to their music, and yet they waste bandwidth on GREEN DAY? Granted, Green Days generic pop punk is quite horrific to the ears of anyone with taste, so perhaps that is the reason. But apparently, this douchebag on Bloody-Disgusting didn't agree with my opinion on the shittiness of Green Day, took personal offense, and decided to attack me personally for not sharing the same shitty taste he has.

Based on my picture I don't like good music? Well, based on your post, you're a fucking idiot. That's Dr Rockso from Metalocalypse, you retard, it has nothing to do with ICP. And since when did not liking Green Day mean you automatically like Jonas Brothers, Katy Perry, and Justin Beiber? They're practically the same genre of music. You'll find all 4 of those artists together on "Now That's What I Call Music 785," or "Kidz Bop 1443." And that's because it's all generic, poppy trash.

Like I said in my responses, Green Day and their middle-school playing level is actually a lot closer to Jonas Brothers, Katy Perry, and Justin Beiber than ICP is. You wouldn't hear ICP on Kidz Bop or Now Thats What I Call Music. No, I don't like ICP, but I sure as hell find them more entertaining than Green Day, in that ICP don't take themselves seriously at all - Green Day take themselves VERY SERIOUSLY, which is extremely evident in the video that inspired this article. 

 The funniest thing about this whole scenario, is how they're dropping an album this week. So basically, they completely FAKED this temper tantrum to get themselves a shit ton of publicity and press before they drop their album. That's SO PUNK, right?! Faking a temper tantrum to increase record sales?! Wait, I though punk was about anarchy and not being herded like sheep towards mainstream appeal? Oh yea, that's right, Green Day is POP, not PUNK. 

I wonder how happy that guitar is to be smashed? Just think, all the shows it had to endure making the sound of terrible, generic, cookie-cutter pop punk. That guitar was probably in a suicidal state, Billy Joe was just putting it out of its misery.

How much money did Green Day make playing that gig? That's what I want to know. I'm sure it was more than most people make in a year of honest labor. Fucking hacks. I hope your album sells no more than 300 copies. It seems like the only time this piece of shit keeps his mouth shut is when another mans tongue is down his throat.

UPDATE: Now the PR is saying Billie Joe was all drunk and drugged up. Classic move for a shitty musician, make an ass of yourself and use drugs and alcohol as an excuse. Then follow that up by saying you're going to go into rehab. Perhaps this very article made its way to the band, and they realized people could see right through his fake temper tantrum of a publicity stunt of a tirade? I can't help but troll their Facebook fans now.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

PLUR is retarded

PLUR. Peace, love, unity, and respect.

 Such a lame term, with an even lamer concept. Don't get me wrong, readers, the world needs a bit more love...the worlds people could also use a healthy dose of unity, as well. And it's really lacking in the peace and respect departments. But the term "PLUR" is so dead, so insincere, it's almost migraine-inducing to hear it uttered. It even sounds annoying to the ear when someone is mocking it. PLUR. Derp-a-derp.  

The pronunciation of the word makes me want to club 2 month old puppies with baseball bats wrapped in barbed wire and curb-stomp kittens into shards of glass with Nazi combat boots.

The term is a charade, a cover-up, a hackneyed excuse to go full-retard in public. Feel like convulsing to generic techno beats played by a DJ getting overpaid to jump on stage pushing the odd button every 5 minutes? Then use PLUR as your excuse!

Again, the idea of PLUR is spot-on, in that we need to work together as a species in order to progress beyond Reality TV and smart phones. But inventing an acronym to justify selfish, careless behavior in an unsafe, immature environment while rocking 300 wrist bands on each arm is the exact opposite of what this term is supposed to embody.


Seriously, that girls face, the entire meme and the caption below it, provide the perfect representation of PLUR.

I think the term needs some updating, personally.
Underage girls

Or perhaps...

Primitive Music
Unchanging Beats
Research Chemicals

In any case, the entire scene, despite being admittedly fun every once in a while, is an overrated and over-funded excursion into one of the lowest possible rungs of the younger generations minds. Think what you want, ravers, but your scene has devolved into nothing more than a giant dry-hump orgy, backed with cookie-cutter music played by shitty DJs who get overpaid to push buttons, move levers, and fist pump on stage. And there's always that ONE asshole DJ that thrusts the air the ENTIRE set. I saw Eskmo opening for Umphrey's McGee once, and couldn't take Eskmo seriously as he literally fucked his DJ table for an hour and a half. Great performance, brah. Must take a lot of 'talent' to make a jackass of yourself in front of thousands of people for over an hour.

Again, don't misconstrue what I'm saying as an absolute is a sweeping generalization of what I've personally been exposed to in 90% of the EDM scenarios I've been placed in. The music festival Freedom of Expression is an exception, in that it is an example of what I like about the scene - despite being primarily an electronic festival, it has a good diversity with the music, with several different EDM genres tackled, and some actual live performances from jam bands, hip-hop artists, jamtronica, and even some stand-up comedians. Of course, those smaller, underground festivals are more about the music than the money, so that might explain why the aura of FOE and FOE2 was more endearing for me, than say, Camp Bisco would have been.

And I'm not saying all DJ's suck...there are talented DJs in the scene. Hell, I know at least a dozen DJs personally, and I think all of them are pretty damn talented in varying ways. I know one DJ that plays old-school trance, using vinyl, and completely fucks shit up live. I know others that have crafted their own, unique sound, and actually have a relevant message in their music beyond the hollow echo of "PLUR!" I know others that spin old-school hip hop vinyl, and also rap bad-ass militant hip-hop lyrics on top of their own vinyl DJing. I know a DJ that makes haunting, psychedelic horror music unlike anything else I've ever head. So, to all of you, my DJ friends....and you all know who you are...keep doing your thing. It's much better than the vast majority of what I've seen, in the scene. Even a number of those really big names are generic as fuck, and it's a shame you guys aren't more well-known despite actually having talent and unique vision.

But sadly, unique DJing really is in the minority. The most difficult thing MOST DJs do nowadays at a show is trying to keep track of all their cables. Or carrying their equipment into and out of the building.

You know what would keep me more invested in a "DJ set?" A more constant element of live performance. And no, I don't consider applying effects and changing the frequencies of pre-recorded music, composed and produced by OTHER people, much of a live performance at all. Nor is matching the tempo of two different tracks an endeavor of much skill. Nor does 8 hours of this boring display change my perspective that DJing has a genuine lack of diverse execution.

In other words, most of the time, it's very, very boring, and very, very repetitive.

If you wanna get me interested in the set, why not add a keyboard to your setup? Hit a few keys along with the song. Even if you're pretending to play the synth, at least you aren't just getting paid to hit buttons. Jump on the microphone and spit (good) rap, or even freestyle. Open up your mind to bringing other people on board, any kind of actual live musician, such as a drummer, bassist, or really gives a huge boost to the overall performance. Give us SOME kind of live, spontaneous element to the music, beyond choosing which pre-made track, how hard you're gonna dry hump and fist pump, or which vocal sample you're gonna add to the next hour of thumping, minimalistic drum-beats.

Being a really clutch, interesting DJ is arguably one of the hardest things to do in the music business. However, this can be attributed directly to the lack of diversity in performance options. In other words, DJing is fucking easy. But becoming a relevant DJ to musicians and composers is very difficult because of the simplicity of the craft.

I'm all for being a unique individual, to do things on your own term, to stand out from the flock. But what these little assholes are doing, is going out of their way to stand out. Wearing all those annoying looking wrist bands, "Raver candy," using fucking pacifiers. If you're trying desperately to stand-out from a normal crowd, you're a fucking douchebag. Being a black sheep for the sake of being a black sheep still makes you a sheep, sheep. You're just being herded by a different shepherd.

Now if you're standing out on your own terms, I can understand. You have convictions, you stand your ground, you even listen to the other side of the argument, being completely open it may influence you to change your mind...but ultimately you still use your own opinions to form your own conclusions. But trying to stand out from the crowd on purpose? Wearing a bunch of goofy, colorful outfits and screaming out "PLUR" as an excuse to party, take copious amounts of drugs, act like a jackass and dance like an idiot for 8 hours, and have crazy sex with complete strangers? I can't get down with using "PLUR" as an excuse to do that. Just admit it, you're in the scene for the drugs, sexy girls in leggings, and the party. You're not in it for peace, love, unity, or respect. Otherwise, all the drugs would be free, jackass.

1993 Was A Good Year

 Here's a good joke for ya:

What did Ariana Grande say to me when she woke up to find herself tied up in my basement?

What did she say ten minutes after that?