Sunday, August 19, 2012

Rage Against Rage Against the Machine

Rage Against the Machine are fucking idiots. What a bunch of hypocritical, shitty musicians. Long before I was old enough to really relate to (or fully understand) their "message," Rage was just another of the many bands of incompetent musicians playing simplistic riffs over and over again with repetitive lyrical structures for the duration of each song.

I even used to lump them in with Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, KoRn, and the rest of that horrible wave of music that hit in the late 90's / early 2000's. Same exact sound, image, and overly-angst driven lyrical content. Now that I'm older, I realize I was wrong...RATM actually started releasing music years before most of those acts. So they actually inspired those acts.

No matter how much activism RATM participate in, no matter how much money they donate or how many protests they perform at or how many humanitarian efforts they take on...they will never be able to make up for the fact they helped spawn the "nu-metal" genre of music. Rage Against the Machine committed war crimes against humanity for having a part in forging and inspiring one of the worst genres of music to ever exist. Rage Against the Machine would have to cure cancer, topple the NWO and convince Danny McBride to make a 4th season of Eastbound and Down to even begin to make amends for these shocking musical crimes against humanity.


Let's take this "gem" of song-writing as a prime example of Rages shittiness:

Killing in the name of!
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Huh!

Killing in the name of!
Killing in the name of

And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
But now you do what they told ya
Well now you do what they told ya

Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Uggh!

Killing in the name of!
Killing in the name of

And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control (7 times)
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what they told ya!

Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
Come on!

Yeah! Come on!

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Motherfucker!
Uggh!

None of those statements deserved to be repeated more than once. How about writing an actual song with meaning, instead of repeating each line 42 times? How about writing lyrics with intellectual merit? Is subtlety lost on these idiots? Someone in the 5th grade could write deeper and more meaningful lyrics. They almost come across as a parody.

The only band that can get away with lyrics as repetitive as those are Iron Maiden, who are guilty of repetitive lyrics, particularly on the Brave New World album. But the big difference, see, is that Iron Maiden actually make good music with good lyrics. In fact, Iron Maiden have very similar themes in a lot of their music, with a few main differences:

  • They don't beat you over the head with their anti-establishment messages; they let listeners draw conclusions on their own, telling stories both musically and lyrically, from varying perspectives.
  • Iron Maiden are aware of subtlety and class, and don't sound like 2nd graders throwing temper tantrum bitch fits. They are also aware of musical dynamics, and their songs take you on a journey...Rage play one sophomoric riff over and over for 3 minutes.
  • Adrian Smith, Dave Murray, and that random 3rd guy don't need to plug their guitar into 17 FX pedals to trick the audiences into thinking their playing was unique - it just is.
  • Each individual musician in Iron Maiden has more skill, talent, and vision in a pinky than Rage does combined.

Hell, listen to this track, "Afraid to Shoot Strangers." It's a stronger anti-war statement than all of Rages tired messages combined. It also does more musically and lyrically in less than 10 minutes than Rage Against the Machine have done in their entire collective careers.


But this article isn't about Iron Maiden kicking ass, or about how much better they are in every way than Rage Against the Machine. That just isn't even a fair fight. I mean, shit, Iron Maiden vocalist Bruce Dickinson turned down fencing at the Olympics to tour with Iron Maiden in the 80's for the Powerslave world tour. How anti-establishment and bad-ass is THAT SHIT?!

But again, this article isn't about Iron Maiden - it's about Rage Against the Machine sucking dick at making music and being giant fucking douchebags.


How about this quote from Tom Morello, back in 2007, explaining why the band was reuniting for Coachella that year?

"Is it coincidence that in the seven years that Rage Against the Machine has been away that the country has slid into right-wing purgatory? I think not, It occurred to all of us that the times were right to see if we can knock the Bush administration out in one fell swoop, and we hope to do that job well. This administration has done enough damage that it may take generations to undo. This is an administration that believes it's beyond the laws of the land, which is fine for emperors, but not so great for presidents. One thing this president isn't above is the laws of physics, and there is no action without reaction."

Okay, Tom Morello. I'm sure you and your dozens of guitar FX pedals and shitty playing will topple the fascist regime, bringing back freedom to the USA. Thank God for Rage Against the Machine! I assume this statement was only half-serious, because if Tom Morello seriously thinks Rage Against the Machines disappearance was the cause of USA 2.0 (aka The Fascist States of America), he needs to be institutionalized.

Rage Against the Machines music is basically a heavier U2 throwing a grade-school temper tantrum.




They're signed to Epic Records, which is owned by Sony. Why not release all your music for free, Rage, instead of signing with those corporate fat-cats Sony? You know how many child laborers die EACH DAY over in Tibet manufacturing flat screen TVs? And yet you work for them. Your music literally kills children. I hope you're happy, RATM.

Why not start your own record label to prove how anti-establishment you are? Why not discover up-and-coming bands driven with anti-establishment messages and themes of activism and PAY THEM to spread their message? Pay them to carry the torch of freedom, now that you have access to the financial means to make it happen?



Or maybe...you can talk shit about Paul Ryan instead, insinuating that the puppet show that is politics actually makes the slightest difference in our country.

The amount of hostility and passionate aggression Rage Against the Machine display, coupled with their message, would dictate they would need to be hermits that lived completely off the grid to even come close to the lofty, anti-establishment heights they put themselves at. I'm talking holistic healing, hunting, fishing and farming for food, disregarding electronic devices and cars to better the environment. But instead, they're signed under Sony with fellow label-mates:

ABBA, Tori Amos, Chevelle, Avril Lavigne, Kelly Osbourne, Incubus, and a number of other shitty artists who profit off the very dumbing-down and growingly less subtle indoctrination of America RATM claims to stand so firmly against. Sure, the label ALSO houses such awesome artists as the aforementioned Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Kool and the Gang, KC and the Sunshine Band, Ozzy Osbourne, and countless other greats....but those bands aren't on a high horse about being the "super activists" of music like Rage always has been. They make good music, make the odd statement about society when they feel it necessary, and take some great advice from Frank Zappa.


Actually, that's some advice I should probably take myself, as a guitarist who loves to run his mouth and rant excessively.

But here, let's give Tommy Pickles a chance to prove me wrong, to shut up and play his guitar.


I can definitely understand why people call him a prodi......wait, what? These are his GREATEST solos? Damn, that sucks. I almost feel bad for writing this article now. I was oblivious Tom thinks switching on a few FX pedals and playing the same thing he was playing without them turned on is what he calls a "solo." It makes me kind of pity him for being such a jackass. But then again, he's made more money in a year than I'll make for the rest of my life, playing in front of millions of people. But I digress.

Here's my theory: Rage Against the Machine is a CIA-funded project. They were formed to give activists a bad name, and to make us appear as talentless, brain-dead hacks just yelling loudly at things we can't understand or comprehend. 


My disdain for this shitty band wouldn't be nearly as intense if their fans didn't put them on such a lofty pedestal, and if THEY THEMSELVES didn't think so god damn highly of themselves. Sure, you're gonna deliver that knock-out punch to the Bush Administration by playing at Coachella, Tom. Let's look at a list of Coachellas sponsors and see how hypocritical you're being just for making that retarded statement.





 Right, playing a music festival sponsored by Hyundai, Heineken, T-Mobile, and Red Bull is surely toppling the system you stand so firmly against. Great job in your fight for freedom, you're definitely doing it right. Just like attending the VMAs and riding MTVs dick over the years is "raging against the machine."





Tom Morello, if you ever by some snowballs chance in hell stumble upon this article...I challenge you to a song-writing competition. I'll even use my home studio, and self-taught, completely solo recording methods at the young, comparatively inexperienced age of 23 years.

3 comments:

  1. This is an excellent article. Rage Against The Machine is indeed shitty. Keep up the great articles!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, brah. Hopefully will be posting more updates in the near future.

    ReplyDelete

If you should strike me down I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.