Sunday, August 26, 2012

RIP, Neil Armstrong

Whether or not the moon landing is a hoax, I feel that Neil Armstrong deserves our respect. Neil is either the first man on the moon, quite the respectable and bad-ass feat....or he is the greatest actor of all-time for concealing the moon-landing hoax for so long. Kudos to either your bravery or to your cunning, Neil. May you rest in peace.

I don't really fall on either side of the "moon landing hoax" debate. Why is that, you may ask? Especially considering how much conspiracy junk I've ingested in the past few years? Well, it's because it is inconsequential to me whether we actually landed on the moon or not. Landing on the moon hasn't done jack-shit for us as a civilization in over 30 years, has it? At least, nothing NASA has felt the need to tell us average folk.


I'd actually prefer that we didn't land on the moon, and that it was some sort of elaborate hoax. Again, you must be left in a state of wonderment with yet another statement I've chosen to make....."Why would this arrogant prick prefer NASA be lying to the masses?" Well, let's look at this logically...

The first moon landing happened in 1969. What technological gains has this yielded, if it did indeed happen? It seems like the only thing the US was trying to gain when they sent up Neil and Buzz to our closest orbiting celestial friend, their only intention was to show-off how the figurative cock and balls of US was bigger and more robust than Russia's figurative chode. That's all it was...a punchline to the joke Russia was the subject of.

We weren't looking for extraterrestrial life....we weren't looking to colonize the moon....we weren't trying to do anything but out-perform Russia in a childish, immature, unnecessary display of superiority.

It's been over 30 goddamn years since the "small step for man, one giant leap for mankind...and one giant cock-block for Soviet Russia's confidence and self-image." And what has landing on the moon gained us? Has the moon landing really only yielded dozens of shitty conspiracy documentaries to watch to kill time, and a corny, over-used quote? (And the means with which for me to crap out a quick article before I play some more Red Dead Redemption before I pass out at 10 so I can get up for work at 5 tomorrow?)

Has the advancement of our technology really stagnated that much?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we haven't moved forward as a species. What with the internet, cell-phones, and other means of communication. I'm just saying...

...if we actually landed on the moon in '69, shouldn't we have a more logical means of transportation by now for the people ON the planet? Traveling through space and landing on a celestial body, even one as "close" as the moon, seems like a much, much larger hurdle to leap than inventing a new means of cost-effective, environment friendly transportation for the rest of us...you know, the 99.999999999% of us that aren't astronauts and don't plan on traveling to space any time soon.

It's seems like the only advancements in technology made in the past few decades, have been advancements to strip the intelligence of the average folk, to give us unnecessary luxuries....basically to keep us distracted and in a state of ignorant bliss so that the advancement of our species can be stifled for a small, wealthy elite to live like kings, laughing down at us from their figurative thrones as we toil in the dirt to further their monetary gains.

Ever see how the future is depicted in shit from the 1950's?


Or how about the 1960's?

 Or we could just skip ahead to the 1980's?


 Unfortunately, I think Idiocracy came the closest to hitting the nail on the head, all the way in 2006....

 

Depressingly accurate, ain't it? I mean, shouldn't we be flying around in hover cars, by now? Shouldn't we have settlements on Mars, and three-titted bitches like in Total Recal? Shouldn't the average IQ be on a steady incline, instead of dropping at exponential rates? Shouldn't we be moving forward, not bombing the piss out of each other and trying to claim intellectual superiority over anyone else from a different side of the planet, over anyone else with a different shade of skin color or anyone raised in a different cultural background? No, we shouldn't?

Ok, maybe the moon landing DID happen, and all these great advancements of technology are being hidden from the general populace to keep the cash flowing to a particular set of corporate entities. Or perhaps all the processed food is finally warping everyone's minds, all the social conditioning is working too well, causing stupidity, cockiness, and social status to take precedence over intellect, kinsman-ship, and loyalty.

Or perhaps my standards for the species were too high, we DID land on the moon, and just haven't done jack-shit since then. Oh well...at least music recording technology has increased in ways that allow me to record a 100+ track song, completely solo, with a full orchestra accompaniment, in the comfort of my own home, with the simple touch of a keyboard, strum of a guitar, and slap of the bass.

Get A Job, Hippie! (Part 2)

Here is the promised sequel to "Get A Job, Hippie!" Incidentally, I have found a construction job since then. (This was partially to continue fueling the fire of "YOU LOOK LIKE JESUS!" I hear on an almost daily basis. Hell, I already heard it at work once - walked into a pair of honeys on the job site, and they said "Jesus!" without even meaning to, then quickly apologized. So my decision to get a fitting profession as carpenter seems spot on. But don't you worry, ladies and gents, I don't plan on starting the Rapture any time soon. You can stop peppering your angus's until further notice.) 


Speaking of Jesus as a carpenter, I wonder if he had any comments as he was getting nailed to the cross?



The funny thing about construction jobs, is how it's populated by bad-ass laborers...the type of folk that, if you cut them off on a bad day, they will literally follow you until you stop your car.....then jump out of their truck, and bludgeon you with a cats paw until you have permanent brain damage (or worse)...and I don't blame them, after working a 51 hour work week, and then seeing how hard the government rapes you with taxes on the pay check, taking literally 1/3rd of my money so rich assholes can pamper themselves, bathing in $100 bills....I'm fully expecting to get just as pissy, especially considering how impatient with society I already am...taxes taken so those fascist assholes can build bigger bombs to shower on people in caves, as we all live underpaid and unappreciated...and those pricks in the government still tell us these idiots in a cave actually had the means to attack us with weapons they bought from some OTHER power-hungry nation sucking Israels cock and trying to usher in a NWO like some sick, corporate-fascist mutant child of Nazi Germany and the Roman Empire during its fall...

...populated by badass laborers, yet they all gossip and bitch like house-wives discussing the contestants of "Dancing With the Stars." If you learn one thing from your first week on a construction gig, it's that NO ONE is happy with ANYONE ELSES method on doing a job, unless it's the EXACT SAME WAY they themselves do it. Everyone's got advice, and over half the time it directly conflicts with someone else's opinion on how the same job is to be done. Which leads to a lot of conflict for the laborer just starting in the field. You start doing a task, and your second boss walks by, who then stops to berate you for doing your job 'wrong,' then explains a contradictory method on completing the task to the method you were originally told. This happens at least twice daily.

Another funny little chestnut of contradiction on these types of jobs, especially when you're just starting out, is how quick the other workers like to acknowledge your lack of experience....and yet get so frustrated and impatient when you don't know exactly what it is they're referring to when they ask you to grab some material, or complete a task. Ten minutes ago, you were telling me how much of a rookie I am, and yet now, you're upset that I don't share the wealth of knowledge your 20+ years as a carpenter has given you?

Note, that none of this really bugs me all that much, if at all, really, for several reasons. First, I understand exactly where they are coming from - they've been working their asses off and breaking their backs for decades...waking up at the ass-crack of dawn....driving 50 miles to work every day....then getting stuck in ridiculous traffic on the way home, which adds another hour and a half of travel to their transit, giving them even less time to relax when they get home, which is scant as it is...with maybe two dozen week long vacations in the last 20+ years. I get it, I'm sure I'll be just as pissed off as they will be when I get there - it's completely justifiable crabbiness. (Much like about 50% of what's on this blog - justifiable anger, spawned by the lack of intelligence and respect in our society....our society that's in a downward spiral to mediocrity and beyond.)
I just find these contradictory mindsets amusing and humorous, as a newcomer.

I also don't care because I actually like working. I grew up doing yard work every weekend, and I spent the better part of high school lifting weights several times a week, seeking peak physical perfection. If you ask me, people who prefer to sit around lazily likely have no ambition with anything...they have no hobbies, dreams or goals. It's hard for me to imagine them having much drive to pursue anything beyond a means to survive, if they can't do their fucking job at work. I'm not talking about stupid people, who might have a hard work ethic, but just don't know what the fuck is going on....but the literal LAZY people, who do their job as slow as possible and find every excuse to stand around doing nothing. Hey shithead, maybe the reason work sucks so bad is because you don't actually WORK, thus the day drags on and on. Why you feel like you're somehow above working to earn your keep is beyond me, maybe a bullet to the kneecap will justify your laziness. I always found the harder you work, the faster the day flies by. And you also feel a sense of pride in a job well done.

Just like the roar of a crowd when you're on stage ripping a tasty guitar solo, or the screams of pleasure from the satisfied groupie riding you reverse-cowgirl in your tent after the successful festival set...a job well done leaves you feeling accomplished.

Hell, you know what I actually think is the WORST part about work? (Aside from being expected to serve as a slave to a company with perfect attendance at the expense of life experience - should people really NEED to work the majority of a year to scrape by? Wasting their lives, only to struggle with their bills and let their hourglass run out as some asshole pushing buttons in an office makes three times as much hourly in air conditioning, without even breaking a sweat?)

It's filling out the job application, and actually getting hired.The job application process is the most tedious part of work. You gotta fill in 8 different sets of paperwork, all asking the same god-damn questions. Do you really need my address and social security on 8 different sets of documents? Couldn't we have streamlined this process into a less time-consuming and painful ordeal?

And what's the deal with the excessive amount of information required on work history? How the fuck am I supposed to remember the address of my last job, the number of said business, the name and number of the supervisor I had, exactly how long I worked their to the month, my job duties AND job title, and other unnecessary information? Doesn't the job title explain the job duties sufficiently enough? You know, geeze, for button pushers you guys sure aren't all that smart. Maybe I should be chilling in the AC, working on a computer all day and cursing like a sailor on my cell phone, choosing to hire only hot, 108 lb chicks so I have eye candy at the office where I exploit the hard laborers work, making an extra $30 an hour off them from the company I'm outsourcing them too, and filling my pockets of the sweat off their back.


How about those 100 question tests they have you fill out on every job application? 


Seriously, the job I just got hired at, had a 100 question test I took right after getting interviewed. All 100 questions were variations of 3 main questions:


  • Do you fight? (IE: Are you an asshole?)
  • Do you do drugs? (IE: Are you a junkie?)
  • Do you steal from work? (IE: Are you justifiably upset we make more money just for handing you sheets of paper to sign and setting you up at the computer to fill out these retarded us surveys, thus take back from the company fucking you despite you breaking your back for them?)

 Are there really jackasses out there who will admit, on a job application, that they steal from work? That they show up late, and do drugs recreationally once a week, and get into frequent fist fights? It's like the surveys give the survey-takers more options leaning towards positively identifying themselves as scumbags to weed out the idiots. Just because you only stole $5 - $10 a month from your job, doesn't mean it's gonna fly. I have a hard time believing ANYONE would click anything other than "Never" on the majority of questions on these tests.

These are along the general lines of questions I remember getting:

"Which types of drug do you do recreationally?

A. Speed, Meth, Cocaine
B. Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin
C. Heroin, Opium, Percocet
D.  Mushrooms, Acid, DMT
E. None of the Above

It's like, seriously, where the fuck is the ALL OF THE ABOVE option? 

Think about it: these surveys are just giving you options to fail. "How often do you get into fights on the job?" Followed by 3 responses indicating a time frame, and a 4th choice indicating irrelevance. A list of drugs, and then the single option to feign sobriety.

Drug tests are a silly concept, too. I can understand if someone is caught on the site nodding off in a pain-killer induced stupor, but why infringe on their rights to do what they please in the privacy of their own home? For all you know, they're getting the job for the sole purpose of feeding a cocaine habit. (Sounds like certain show promoters I used to work with. "Argh, me mateys!")


 And to not hire someone over smoking pot? That's fucking idiotic. It's contradictory, given the current state of sociological affairs in this and other countries, to expect people NOT TO FIGHT at work while COMPLETELY ABSTAINING from marijuana. Tensions are just too high in the current work climate. Make a compromise, ya shitheads, because all the laborers are certainly making a compromise, considering we're expected to piss our lives away to make enough money to get by as the CEOs of companies make out like bandits, making more money than they'll even spend. I'm just glad I took 5 years off, and that I didn't cut my hair to get hired to a job.

So I guess the moral of this random collection of thoughts regarding employment is...take 5 years off work, and enjoy your life for a little while. Even ONE year, people. It'd be a shame to die in the middle of your 17th year of consecutive 40+ hour work weeks, with very little left of a soul, and very little in the way of life experiences. Me, on the other hand? I just got off my almost consistent 5 year vacation (had a few jobs in the past 5 years, just none for longer than a few months), and now I'm looking to make some serious cash so I can invest in musical equipment that will eventually negate any need for me to break my back for chump change in the not-too-distant future. Now I just need to find the band I can plan this transition back to paid unemployment with....

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Rage Against Rage Against the Machine

Rage Against the Machine are fucking idiots. What a bunch of hypocritical, shitty musicians. Long before I was old enough to really relate to (or fully understand) their "message," Rage was just another of the many bands of incompetent musicians playing simplistic riffs over and over again with repetitive lyrical structures for the duration of each song.

I even used to lump them in with Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, KoRn, and the rest of that horrible wave of music that hit in the late 90's / early 2000's. Same exact sound, image, and overly-angst driven lyrical content. Now that I'm older, I realize I was wrong...RATM actually started releasing music years before most of those acts. So they actually inspired those acts.

No matter how much activism RATM participate in, no matter how much money they donate or how many protests they perform at or how many humanitarian efforts they take on...they will never be able to make up for the fact they helped spawn the "nu-metal" genre of music. Rage Against the Machine committed war crimes against humanity for having a part in forging and inspiring one of the worst genres of music to ever exist. Rage Against the Machine would have to cure cancer, topple the NWO and convince Danny McBride to make a 4th season of Eastbound and Down to even begin to make amends for these shocking musical crimes against humanity.


Let's take this "gem" of song-writing as a prime example of Rages shittiness:

Killing in the name of!
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Huh!

Killing in the name of!
Killing in the name of

And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
But now you do what they told ya
Well now you do what they told ya

Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Uggh!

Killing in the name of!
Killing in the name of

And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control (7 times)
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what they told ya!

Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
Come on!

Yeah! Come on!

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Motherfucker!
Uggh!

None of those statements deserved to be repeated more than once. How about writing an actual song with meaning, instead of repeating each line 42 times? How about writing lyrics with intellectual merit? Is subtlety lost on these idiots? Someone in the 5th grade could write deeper and more meaningful lyrics. They almost come across as a parody.

The only band that can get away with lyrics as repetitive as those are Iron Maiden, who are guilty of repetitive lyrics, particularly on the Brave New World album. But the big difference, see, is that Iron Maiden actually make good music with good lyrics. In fact, Iron Maiden have very similar themes in a lot of their music, with a few main differences:

  • They don't beat you over the head with their anti-establishment messages; they let listeners draw conclusions on their own, telling stories both musically and lyrically, from varying perspectives.
  • Iron Maiden are aware of subtlety and class, and don't sound like 2nd graders throwing temper tantrum bitch fits. They are also aware of musical dynamics, and their songs take you on a journey...Rage play one sophomoric riff over and over for 3 minutes.
  • Adrian Smith, Dave Murray, and that random 3rd guy don't need to plug their guitar into 17 FX pedals to trick the audiences into thinking their playing was unique - it just is.
  • Each individual musician in Iron Maiden has more skill, talent, and vision in a pinky than Rage does combined.

Hell, listen to this track, "Afraid to Shoot Strangers." It's a stronger anti-war statement than all of Rages tired messages combined. It also does more musically and lyrically in less than 10 minutes than Rage Against the Machine have done in their entire collective careers.


But this article isn't about Iron Maiden kicking ass, or about how much better they are in every way than Rage Against the Machine. That just isn't even a fair fight. I mean, shit, Iron Maiden vocalist Bruce Dickinson turned down fencing at the Olympics to tour with Iron Maiden in the 80's for the Powerslave world tour. How anti-establishment and bad-ass is THAT SHIT?!

But again, this article isn't about Iron Maiden - it's about Rage Against the Machine sucking dick at making music and being giant fucking douchebags.


How about this quote from Tom Morello, back in 2007, explaining why the band was reuniting for Coachella that year?

"Is it coincidence that in the seven years that Rage Against the Machine has been away that the country has slid into right-wing purgatory? I think not, It occurred to all of us that the times were right to see if we can knock the Bush administration out in one fell swoop, and we hope to do that job well. This administration has done enough damage that it may take generations to undo. This is an administration that believes it's beyond the laws of the land, which is fine for emperors, but not so great for presidents. One thing this president isn't above is the laws of physics, and there is no action without reaction."

Okay, Tom Morello. I'm sure you and your dozens of guitar FX pedals and shitty playing will topple the fascist regime, bringing back freedom to the USA. Thank God for Rage Against the Machine! I assume this statement was only half-serious, because if Tom Morello seriously thinks Rage Against the Machines disappearance was the cause of USA 2.0 (aka The Fascist States of America), he needs to be institutionalized.

Rage Against the Machines music is basically a heavier U2 throwing a grade-school temper tantrum.




They're signed to Epic Records, which is owned by Sony. Why not release all your music for free, Rage, instead of signing with those corporate fat-cats Sony? You know how many child laborers die EACH DAY over in Tibet manufacturing flat screen TVs? And yet you work for them. Your music literally kills children. I hope you're happy, RATM.

Why not start your own record label to prove how anti-establishment you are? Why not discover up-and-coming bands driven with anti-establishment messages and themes of activism and PAY THEM to spread their message? Pay them to carry the torch of freedom, now that you have access to the financial means to make it happen?



Or maybe...you can talk shit about Paul Ryan instead, insinuating that the puppet show that is politics actually makes the slightest difference in our country.

The amount of hostility and passionate aggression Rage Against the Machine display, coupled with their message, would dictate they would need to be hermits that lived completely off the grid to even come close to the lofty, anti-establishment heights they put themselves at. I'm talking holistic healing, hunting, fishing and farming for food, disregarding electronic devices and cars to better the environment. But instead, they're signed under Sony with fellow label-mates:

ABBA, Tori Amos, Chevelle, Avril Lavigne, Kelly Osbourne, Incubus, and a number of other shitty artists who profit off the very dumbing-down and growingly less subtle indoctrination of America RATM claims to stand so firmly against. Sure, the label ALSO houses such awesome artists as the aforementioned Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Kool and the Gang, KC and the Sunshine Band, Ozzy Osbourne, and countless other greats....but those bands aren't on a high horse about being the "super activists" of music like Rage always has been. They make good music, make the odd statement about society when they feel it necessary, and take some great advice from Frank Zappa.


Actually, that's some advice I should probably take myself, as a guitarist who loves to run his mouth and rant excessively.

But here, let's give Tommy Pickles a chance to prove me wrong, to shut up and play his guitar.


I can definitely understand why people call him a prodi......wait, what? These are his GREATEST solos? Damn, that sucks. I almost feel bad for writing this article now. I was oblivious Tom thinks switching on a few FX pedals and playing the same thing he was playing without them turned on is what he calls a "solo." It makes me kind of pity him for being such a jackass. But then again, he's made more money in a year than I'll make for the rest of my life, playing in front of millions of people. But I digress.

Here's my theory: Rage Against the Machine is a CIA-funded project. They were formed to give activists a bad name, and to make us appear as talentless, brain-dead hacks just yelling loudly at things we can't understand or comprehend. 


My disdain for this shitty band wouldn't be nearly as intense if their fans didn't put them on such a lofty pedestal, and if THEY THEMSELVES didn't think so god damn highly of themselves. Sure, you're gonna deliver that knock-out punch to the Bush Administration by playing at Coachella, Tom. Let's look at a list of Coachellas sponsors and see how hypocritical you're being just for making that retarded statement.





 Right, playing a music festival sponsored by Hyundai, Heineken, T-Mobile, and Red Bull is surely toppling the system you stand so firmly against. Great job in your fight for freedom, you're definitely doing it right. Just like attending the VMAs and riding MTVs dick over the years is "raging against the machine."





Tom Morello, if you ever by some snowballs chance in hell stumble upon this article...I challenge you to a song-writing competition. I'll even use my home studio, and self-taught, completely solo recording methods at the young, comparatively inexperienced age of 23 years.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Hitler in Gnarnia (On Ice)

I just had to drop a second Cleveland Steamer on this situation.


What, not funny, you say? Ok, here's the same video, on Youtube...but with a reversed image to appease copyright conditions.

(It's not showing up on Blogger. Fuck it, just go here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uh_q7Ou7SfA)


Copyright conditions, apparently, were NOT met. Here's the best upload I could get, it's on vimeo, which cannot be embedded into blogger for some odd reason.

https://vimeo.com/47647308



STILL not hitting your funny bone? Well then go watch "Hitler Goes to Narnia" instead, dick.....

....and compare how comparatively awesome my video was in comparison.

Still not doing anything for ya? Ok, I got one final trick up the sleeve of my bathrobe. Rare photographs of Hitler.....being nice.













Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Gnarnia the Festival (aka Gnarknia the Bustival)

Over the weekend of August 9th - 11th, a music festival was hosted in North Carolina called "Gnarnia the Festival." I myself did not attend, for I was busy playing at a far superior festival up in Maine, guest jamming on a friends set. So this article is merely an unorganized, hasty regurgitation of all the ranting and raving I've been seeing on the official Facebook for the event. (As well as the anti-Facebook page for the event, linked here.)

"Gnarnia the Festival" is being nicknamed "Gnarknia the Bustival."



This isn't exactly a new allegation leveled at a music festival. I'm sure all of the established festivals...from All Good, to Bonnaroo, to Ultra....have been accused, at some point in their existence, of selling out their audience. Oftentimes, people who get busted at a festival use their own experience as an indication of how the festival went for the rest of the 10,000 people in attendance. It's a personal vendetta, and it's safe to assume that these claims might be a bit off-base and exaggerated. It's like finding a pube in your McDouble and blaming McDonalds when it's actually just the dirty Mexican throwing your processed chemical burger into the microwaves fault.


Hell, I remember when Phish started touring again in 2009, and having absolutely nothing better to do, (there was no recently painted surfaces to watch dry) I caved in and followed them for a few shows with some friends. I remember dozens of people getting arrested at the Jones Beach shows. There were rumors circulating that Phish sold their own fans out, and the common line was that they were working with local law enforcement to get themselves out of trouble after getting busted with drugs themselves. (Or maybe this was Mike Gordon trying to get out of pedophile charges for taking nude photos of little girls....who knows!) Either way, the same exact claim (minus the pedophilia) is being leveled at the Gnarnia promoters.



Whenever an absurdly high number of people are busted at a festival, that is one of the first things you are sure to hear: the promoters were busted with drugs, and instead of serving time used their festival as leverage to avoid getting charged. However, being uninvolved in this cluster-fuck of a weekend, I can see valid points on the other side of the argument as well.

Sketchily enough, this was a FIRST YEAR festival that had a very high level of promotion. Kind of off-putting when a first-year festival quickly climbs to 20,000 fans on Facebook. That means they definitely had a lot of support from other production companies and festivals. In other words, they seemed to "earn their stripes" in the scene pretty fuckin' fast, which is off-putting and sketchy. Sounds intensely similar to another first-year music festival, if you recall, from 2010....a little festival called Nateva.
 

Remember Nateva? I don't. Because it was yet another festival I couldn't attend, luckily having obligations of performing at a more modest festival the same weekend. I remember hearing mixed reviews, but one recurrent thread of interest was the high amount of busts and the excessive amounts of law enforcement at Nateva. And look what happened to them:

 
Seems strange that after countless reports of Nateva being heavy with law enforcement...cops everywhere, people getting busted left and right....that they'd cancel the second installment under sketchy circumstances, and then drop completely off the radar. Nateva had so much hype, it was such a big deal. I remember how hyped up it was, and how it quickly climbed the ranks, how quickly it too "earned its stripes," just like Gnarnia seemingly did. Nateva had a ton of big names, too. Then...it just disappeared.

Perhaps higher ups in the scene are intentionally throwing 'bustivals' and "culling the herd?" Or maybe covering their own tracks? Look, even the quintessential "We want justice!" post necessitated by the promoters after throwing such an event has a slightly creepy, slightly data-mining vibe to it.



I can even see the creepy Lion from the old school BBC version of Chronicles of Narnia, that spoke in yawns, reading this to all the offended festival goers. Have you ever seen that shit? Seriously, the lion would take a huge yawn and speak a full sentence in a creepy, Mike Gordony pedophile-esque voice.


(Skip to 5:00 in this second video to see his yawning devil speak in action.)

Gnarnia, from my uneducated standpoint, seemed to share a lot of "themes" with Nateva. In other words, Nateva was to the jam community as Gnarnia turned out for the EDM community. They give off a very similar vibe. And again, this is just going from the vibe I got from them before they happened, how quickly they rose and how heavily they were promoted, as well as all the negative reviews I stumbled upon for both festivals after they happened.

Worst case scenario: both Nateva and Gnarnia were giant sting operations, designed (by promoters working in affiliation with letter agencies and law enforcement) to draw the largest possible crowd using established, big name acts and excessively hyped promotion, only to exploit the crowd, busting as many people as possible, perhaps to cover the tracks of drug-toting promoters because, shit...how else could these promoters afford to throw such extravagant events without a bit of drug-dealing going into it? Gnome sayin'? (And then disappearing into the sunset, never to throw a second installment, according to Nateva. It will be interesting to see if Gnarnia follows suit.)

Remember, this is all just my conspiracy theorist view-point on the situation. I wasn't at either festival, nor do I know the inner workings that went into their plannings, nor do I personally know the promoters. So realize I'm not accusing them of anything, just sharing the most fanatically over-the-top view possible. (In other words, if you promoters are reading this....no need to no longer entertain the thought of booking me to play the next festival you throw. I'll still play! I'd still enjoy melting faces and getting paid for it at your next sting operation.)

After all is said and done....and theangeldust has settled....and the rubble has been swept away....who is to blame, really? The laws being broken to necessitate these busts are obviously corrupt in the first place. If anything, music festival goers should be given free-reign to do whatever the fuck they want on festival grounds...within reason. Whatever the fuck they want to themselves is actually a more accurate statement. Music Festivals are essentially an epic, pimped out camping trip combined with a party on private property. Anything goes is the name of the game, again....within reason. It's perfect, if you think about it....


Easily accessible psychoactive substances mixed with a number of high-energy music performances, used in synchronicity in a semi-controlled environment complete with medical staff present, as well as other experienced drug users, a full community of diverse people both sober and high, all looking out for each other, who can babysit each other and keep each other safe for a weekend of debauchery before they return to the real world to slave away at some boring job. They aren't bugging the general public, they are in their own little zone doing their own thing...why fuck with it? Sure, there are scumbags, but most people there are there to have fun and catch a ton of great music in a short period of time.

Music festivals are like a giant, no-holds-barred, group therapy session.


Why fuck with these people at the festivals at all? They're not selling crack to kids on the street, they're ripping those hubbas in a tent than dancing for 4 hours to repetitive dubstep DJs. They're not taking 10 strips and going to the movies, geeking out laughing the entire film at inappropriate scenes, bugging out the rest of the audience in the theater. They're dropping 10 strips in the woods with a bunch of other spunions and then watching Les Claypool drop some bass-bombs.

You can't let them have just a few weekends out of the year to cut loose? Why not give the festival goers their little vacation, and then maybe you can expect, in return, more respect and acceptance of the law when they return to "reality?" Drug use isn't recreational when you begin to understand their effects on your mind and body. They become a tool of introspection to better oneself with. Let them introspectively better themselves, law enforcement brahs.


They're just looking for a place to go...same as us.