Sunday, June 17, 2012

Internet Success

I've finally achieved a level of internet success in life that every user strives to achieve. A true honor has been bestowed open me, akin to a Purple Heart or an Olympic Gold Medal...or perhaps it could be likened to getting the top 10 tiers in an arcade game, and lining them with three letter curse words...


Getting the top comment on a Youtube video. This is such a coveted spot, tutorials ironically line the pages of Youtube on how to get the top comments on...Youtube. Take for example this guy with the shitty voice.


Nevermind, I couldn't watch more than a few seconds of that crap. Here's an equally pathetic, but far more endearing example:
This kid even knew better than to leave the comment option available for his video. NO ONE gets top comment, bitches. The top comment in question can be found on this video:

I cannot, in good conscious, accept this trophy. I must humbly decline this prestigious and unparalleled honor. For in all honesty....it wasn't even an original statement. It was a shameless knock-off on the "who shit in your cereal" quote. And while that phrase is as stale as the shit in the phrase is fresh, considering someone shit INTO the cereal, it's more logical to assume this variation of the quote has been used before.

How could someone actually get away with shitting into someones cereal, anyhow? That would have to be the stealthiest and swiftest turd in history, if in the short space someone sneezes the turd is expected to be delivered to the bowl. Even more time would be necessitated if recipient of turd is expected to unknowingly bite into the feces. They would need time to properly mix and distribute the fecal matter throughout the cereal and bowl.

I'm certain this specific variation - that specifically features Cheerio's, dog shit, and Michelle Rodriguez's facial expression - have existed in numerous varieties prior to my youtube posting. The directors cut version of the joke I personally added, was the sugarless / milkless line. Because Cheerios doesn't taste good at all without sugar, and it certainly doesn't taste good dry, and it 110% doesn't taste fucking good when it's covered in dog shit.

 Unless you're Michelle Rodriguez, that is.







3 comments:

  1. That's so cool. One time I made a comment that said "I'm going to blow up your house so you and your family can burn alive. Then I'll rape your children after I kidnap them from school." Too bad it got marked as spam.

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  2. That's bullshit! I would have up-voted you, bro.

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  3. I have a STRONG assumption that comment was posted on a Lil Wayne music video.

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If you should strike me down I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.