Sunday, April 15, 2012

I’ve finally discovered tattoos that AREN’T sexy…



Sorry to rape your eyes, my bad.

....tattoos of Twilight.



Just kidding, I'm not sorry.

Granted, it’s safe to assume the proprietors of such tattoos would consist of over-weight chicks in the 12 - 17 age range, so they’d be disgustingly unattractive AS WELL as illegal to drunkenly lower your standards for. It's also fair to assume a girl that would splurge for a Twilight tattoo has no standards. And no standards, while usually favorable for my unfortunate facial situation, isn't a sexy trait, it isn't shooting her ratings up when she is settling for entertainment such as twilight...it actually shoots her ratings in the face with a crossbow, multiple times, with the same arrow, then pisses on the ratings twitching corpse.


There’s even an entire website dedicated to “35 Cool Twilight Tattoos Design For Women” (and presumably effeminate men.) Go ahead, take a gander! Give your eyes a little rapeage. Copy and paste this link.


http://celebritytattoo-gallery.blogspot.com/2011/11/35-cool-twilight-tattoos-design-for.html

What, you think I was gonna make it a link for you to click on? Sick bastard. If you want to endure this torture, you’re gonna have to WORK to get your sick kicks. Plus I'm broke, and thus cannot risk a lawsuit. So copy and paste that shit, dbags, and be prepared to lose your lunch.

All right, now in retrospect of that atrocity of a photo collection, one thing I actually would like to see, is an alternate list by the same people. "35 UNCOOL Twilight Tattoos" All one with sense would have to do is rename the title of that same website, really, because EVERY Twilight tattoo is uncool. But that's too easy. I, out of some morbid curiosity, actually wanna see the tattoos that DIDN’T make the cut for the fangirls. I'm talking about the tattoos so bad even the rabid Twilight fans would say "That shit is whack, ho. Lets scissor."

Like, maybe the gay vampires face was tattooed around a vagina so it looks like he’s spouting some bullshit to twitchy face, any time the proprietor of said tattoo queefs. Or every time she's getting fucked, it looks like the vampire is sucking dick.
Or maybe a tattoo of that bitch that can’t act on a pair of butt cheeks, so that her mouth is the cornhole. Ya know, like how when she pretends she knows how to act, and she purses her lips like someone just shit in her mouth?...well, now the only thing that would come out of her mouth would literally be shit, giving her an excuse for her shitty acting!



A fucked up, twisted, baby-killing tattoo would be a hilarious choice for someone like....Jessica Alba. (Is she still hot to everyone else after pumping out a kid? I know she's no longer "Idle Hands" hot, but still dece.)  Who's tits are the media excessively milking these days? Megan Fox? Snookie? Lady Gaga? The Kardashian scissor sisters? Jeniffer Aniston? Never got the Anniston hype, half the time she looks like a man and her acting is always so god damn bitchy.



 Ya know what, irrelevant of which celebrity we’re speaking of here. Needless to say, imagine your favorite celebrity having the worst tattoo possible around the edges of her twat. Like a depiction of a dead 7 year old girl, the entire body, but the tattoos vagina is the celebrities actually pussy, so if you're fucking her it looks like you're fucking a dead 7 year old, you twisted, perverted bastard.....

......they don’t censor blogger, right?

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