This is what a bar in the 7th circle of hell sounds like....full of Rape Gulls, and Rape Mice, and Rape Demons, and Deshawn Coleman and Jasper Cornelius....
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Cosmic Assrape Armada (Epilogue: Raped and Bound: The Incredible Journey)
Cosmic Assrape Armada is the most talked about comedy event of the season. A show so full of heartfelt emotion, nonstop action, and political intrigue that it's no wonder Infinite Jelly Junction is being called a sure winner at the Emmys.
"It's charm is truly timeless" raves Richard Shapero, author of 'Too Far.'
"Pure whimsical genius"
-Joe Biden
"The flawless character development cannot be understated"
-Christopher Nolan
"It's charm is truly timeless" raves Richard Shapero, author of 'Too Far.'
"Pure whimsical genius"
-Joe Biden
"The flawless character development cannot be understated"
-Christopher Nolan
"Simply the greatest thing ever created by the human mind"
- Jay Z
"It hurt my brain and made me cry"
-Charles Manson
"Sharp and witty, I love it"
-Dr. Oz
As these glowing reviews no doubt prove, Infinite Jelly Junction: Season 2: Cosmic Assrape Armada is indeed the future of everyone's future.
"It hurt my brain and made me cry"
-Charles Manson
"Sharp and witty, I love it"
-Dr. Oz
As these glowing reviews no doubt prove, Infinite Jelly Junction: Season 2: Cosmic Assrape Armada is indeed the future of everyone's future.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
DIO(n)
3 years today. RIP Ronnie James DIO.
I actually just lost a friend, an irreplaceable friend who died after a car accident, and I remember his reaction to DIO dying. He said he imagined me at my house, eating ice cream and crying like a fat chick. RIP J.F.
I actually just lost a friend, an irreplaceable friend who died after a car accident, and I remember his reaction to DIO dying. He said he imagined me at my house, eating ice cream and crying like a fat chick. RIP J.F.
Monday, May 13, 2013
The ONLY Things That Should Be Legal....
Here's a list of the only things that should be legal at this point, with short descriptions to entail just HOW legal they are.
1. Breathing
Breathing is something that has to be legal, with the exception of heavy breathing in public areas, or even in private areas in the presence of others. If you're breathing heavy, you don't want other ethnicities who might happen to be in ear-shot of you think you are muttering slurs under your breath, would you? That would be insensitive and socially incorrect. Don't be a bigot! Also, heavy breathing causes duress in females; it might trigger rape flashbacks, or even give them the impression you are going to rape them, your heavy breathing acting as some sort of rape war-cry. Or rape-cry, if you will.
THE ONLY TIME breathing heavy is to be an acceptable, completely legal act is at sporting events and only by the athletes, and perhaps the referees, but to a lesser degree.
THE ONLY TIME breathing heavy is to be an acceptable, completely legal act is at sporting events and only by the athletes, and perhaps the referees, but to a lesser degree.
2. Water
Drinking water has to be legal - or else we'd all die. But the amount of water each person drinks should be heavily monitored.....and taxed accordingly, of course. Here's additional rules to help differentiate just how legal "Water" should be.
A. When swimming in any body of water, be it a lake, the ocean, your swimming pool, or even your bathtub, you should be monitered by no less than (6) cameras.
B. When taking a shower, you should be monitored by no less than (3) cameras. You're less likely to drown while standing up in a stream of running water that quickly drains out, but we can never be too careful, can we?
C. Collecting rain water for any purpose will result in said rain collectors immediate and merciless execution. Who the fuck do they think they are, stealing our fucking water?!
A. When swimming in any body of water, be it a lake, the ocean, your swimming pool, or even your bathtub, you should be monitered by no less than (6) cameras.
B. When taking a shower, you should be monitored by no less than (3) cameras. You're less likely to drown while standing up in a stream of running water that quickly drains out, but we can never be too careful, can we?
C. Collecting rain water for any purpose will result in said rain collectors immediate and merciless execution. Who the fuck do they think they are, stealing our fucking water?!
3. Food
All food should first be sent through Monsanto checkpoints to verify they are as unnatural and genetically modified as possible. Should any food be inspected that doesn't reach the amount of preservatives or genetic modifications to appease Monsantos fiery will, the source of the food will be traced and the farmer who yielded the crop will be stoned in public.
4. Marijuana
Marijuana should be legalized, but only after it is patented, synthesized, and riddled with varying degrees of toxins and chemicals to rob potheads of their lives.
5. Wireless Internet
Wireless Internet should not only be legal, but it should be free for everyone!
6. Sex
Sex isn't meant to be an intimate, romantic experience. It is not an expression of love, or a pleasurable experience. It is merely meant for procreation; nothing more. Because of this, sex will now be delegated to "BREEDERS" who will be hand-picked by government elected officials. Paper work must be filled out in triplicate to be eligible to receive a SEX PERMIT. Any individual(s) caught having sex without filling out the proper paperwork and receiving their SEX PERMIT in advance will be publicly executed via insertion of drill into the anus.
7. Comedy
Comedy can only be legal in ONE of its many varying forms.......ECards.
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